Battle of the Blades, Week 6: the good, the bad and the snuggly
The funniest thing about this week’s episode, by far, was the icy attitude that guest judge (and ’70s figure skating legend) Toller Cranston brought to the night’s otherwise cheery proceedings. We get it, T.C., you’re a champion. But this is a campy CBC reality show, not the Olympics, so take a chill pill. Guest judges are supposed to provide a celebrity factor and a fresh face (see Posh Spice on American Idol). They are not supposed to hand out the lowest scores of the night.
But enough about him. (Er, make that almost enough. Were we the only ones who got a kick when Cranston somewhat smugly pointed out that he’s living in Mexico now, like the Frida Kahlo garb wasn’t a dead giveaway.) This week, the remaining pairs channelled beloved big screen classics with mixed results. As always, we weigh in on who should stay, who should go and who should get it on.
Who should stay: Kelly and Kyoko
We’ve been hard on this pair from the get-go, but Kelly skated with a whole new sense of confidence and skill this week. Could be that he appears to have lost about 75 pounds since the show started, or maybe it’s just that his somewhat ogre-ish style found the ideal outlet playing Shrek to Kyoko’s Princess Fiona. Gone are his dreadful signature fist pumps (maybe he’s been reading our blog), replaced by actual skating. He even pulled off a couple of back-to-back waltz jumps. The only thing missing was the green face paint, which we’re guessing got nixed after last week’s unfortunate blackface scandal. Just another example of some idiot spoiling it for everyone.
Who should go: Izzy and Todd
Seeing a 250-pound hockey jock dressed in drag doesn’t happen every day, and for your bravery, Todd, we commend you. Still, all the fake boobs and awkward sexy gestures in the world couldn’t disguise the fact that this pair’s To Wong Foo routine was the weakest of the night. We’re confident the voting audience will agree, so in the spirit of their final gender-bending skate tonight, we just want to say, “To Todd and Izzy, thanks for everything. Love, The Good, The Bad and The Snuggly.”
Who should get it on: Val and Katia
The slinky silver dress, the 5 o’clock shadow—could these two have looked any hotter? Of course, we’re kidding about them actually getting it on (the little pre-taped segment before the performance made it clear how much Mrs. Bure is missing her man), but when two gorgeous people skate this beautifully together and one of them is wearing a garter (!!!), well, we don’t make the rules. As always, the Russians were in a league of their own, and well deserving of two 6.0s handed out by the judges (Cranston gave them a 5.8). But we’re not sure we approve of their decision to dance to “From Russia With Love,” which was also Candace and Val’s wedding song. Call us Kimmy Gibbler, but we have to stick up for our cyber-BFF.
(All images provided by the CBC.)