Dear Urban Diplomat: What do I do when my friends pay for dinner but stiff the server on the tip?
Dear Urban Diplomat: What do I do when my friends pay for dinner but stiff the server on the tip?
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My wife and I went with another couple to Celestin, where we’re regular patrons. The service was attentive, as always, and the food was superb. When the bill came, my friend took care of it, but I noticed he left less than 10 per cent for the tip. Mortified, I waited for everyone to leave the table, then threw down an extra $20. Unfortunately, my friend turned around in time to see me and said it was a slap in the face. How should I have handled this situation?
—More Money, More Problems, DAVISVILLE
Topping up someone else’s tip on the sly is almost as tacky as being a cheapskate. Since you’re a regular, you easily could’ve spared the conflict and doubled your tip on the next visit. In the future, if your dinner companions are picking up the check, carry some cash and insist on getting the tip. You’ll make the gracious gesture of contributing to the meal, while ensuring the service doesn’t get stiffed.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at [email protected]
![](http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https://torontolife.com/city/urban-diplomat-cheap-friends/&title=Dear Urban Diplomat: What do I do when my friends pay for dinner but stiff the server on the tip?&picture=https://torontolife.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/oct11UrbanCheck.jpg&description=[caption id="attachment_94020" align="alignleft" width="265" caption="(Image: Dan4th Nicholas)"][/caption]
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My wife and I went with another couple to Celestin, where we’re regular patrons. The service was attentive, as always, and the food was superb. When the bill came, my friend took care of it, but I noticed he left less than 10 per cent for the tip. Mortified, I waited for everyone to leave the table, then threw down an extra $20. Unfortunately, my friend turned around in time to see me and said it was a slap in the face. How should I have handled this situation?
—More Money, More Problems, DAVISVILLE
Topping up someone else’s tip on the sly is almost as tacky as being a cheapskate. Since you’re a regular, you easily could’ve spared the conflict and doubled your tip on the next visit. In the future, if your dinner companions are picking up the check, carry some cash and insist on getting the tip. You’ll make the gracious gesture of contributing to the meal, while ensuring the service doesn’t get stiffed.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com){kind=link}
First, it was your mistake for being so non-discreet about that. I’ve done the same on topping up on tips when I’ve been treated by a chintzy tipper. But I did it very discreetly by sliding it under the tray that came with the credit card receipt while depositing my napkin on the table. It was done practically in front of the person and he didn’t even notice.
Second, if this isn’t a very good friend, either offer to pay the tip, dine at places that do not require that much tipping, or don’t dine with this person again.
the next time they dine there might be weeks away – how would you ensure that the server / appropriate staff got their tip? The only answer is to be extremely discreet. And your friend should have pretended not to notice, but since he did the only solution is to shrug it off. There’s really no reason for anyone to stay mad about something like this.
Definitely make sure that you take care of your server. Anyone who takes their profession seriously would take a bad tip to mean that their service was disatisfactory. Have the courage to correct your friend’s faux pas, no need to be sneaky. If you find yourself in a similar scenario but in a professional setting then head to the washroom and bump into your server on the way. Nothing wrong with a hand-to-hand exchange. The gesture goes a long way!
yes, had you not topped up the tip the real slap in the face would have been to your server. 10% is for satisfactory, ho-hum, inattentive service but at a restaurant of this quality, a server worth 10% would not last long. should you be more discreet? your friend should be embarrassed at being caught short on the tip and if you two were really friends, your friend would take your gesture for the saving grace it was.waitstaff work hard to ensure your experience is to your satisfaction and rely on your gratitude to pay their bills.here’s a tip: a generous tip ensures the best service from the same server, a lousy tip ensures the most perfunctory, effortless service. you always get what you pay for even if it comes later
I’m a student majoring in sociology and I find it quite humorous that something simple as tipping is much more complicated than it should be. Tipping is socially constructed; what if tipping 5% was acceptable and tipping more was considered overcompensating.
Like the joke I heard in Florida: “What’s the difference between a canoe and a Canadian”?……..”Canoes tip”.
Next time avert your eyes from the bill. You shouldn’t be counting other people’s money and calculating the tip in your head. The evening is their treat and if they stiff the waiter, that’s their karma.
Depends on your relationship. I have a notoriously cheap friend that I’ve done this to, but I just looked at him, shook my head and dropped down an extra 5 bucks.