Dear Urban Diplomat: How do I persuade my husband to get his vaccinations?
Last week, my husband casually mentioned that he hadn’t received the usual vaccinations as a child. I was shocked. He definitely isn’t a secret anti-vaxxer—our two kids both received their shots without much thought or discussion. He doesn’t seem to think it’s a big deal, but I think it’s deeply irresponsible. Plus, I have no desire to play Victorian nurse if he gets slammed with a bout of mumps. How can I persuade him to get inoculated pronto?
—Outside the Pox, Riverdale
Your husband sounds like a reasonable man, but his logic is clearly being trumped by some combination of ignorance and lethargy. We all need to play our part if we want to avoid a real-life Contagion, so lay on the guilt. Explain that his refusal to sit through a few pinpricks doesn’t just put him at risk; it also increases the chances that he’ll become a veritable Typhoid Mary, passing his pestilence along to immuno-suppressed seniors or pre-vaccination infants. Good God, think of the children! If guilting doesn’t work, try scaring him into getting vaccinated by Google-image-searching “adult measles” in his presence.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My partner recently jumped on the Raptors bandwagon, and his obsession has become downright annoying. He talks about Kawhi and KLow like they’re his best buddies and wears his number seven jersey everywhere—seriously, we had a reservation at a classy restaurant and that’s what he showed up in. Last night, he rambled on about the post-season for two hours, despite my best attempts to change the subject. The season is over! How can I get him to move on?
—We the Bored, Roncesvalles
Bandwagon fandoms tend to be fickle, so your partner’s b-ball bro-out is likely to cool off as quickly as it heated up (the fact that the regular season doesn’t start for a few more months should help). As soon as a Toronto raccoon does something diabolical or the Jays start to falter or DoFo announces more funding cuts, the whole city will move on to a new unifying topic—and hopefully your beau will join them. Until then, try to have patience, but if his tangents go on for more than 30 minutes at a time, channel your inner Nick Nurse and call a time out.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My sister has been on a self-care kick. At first, I was all for it. But lately she’s been using it as an excuse to get out of things she’d rather not do, like babysitting and caring for our elderly mother. She claims she needs to “recharge her energies.” I love a break as much as the next person, but what’s the limit?
—Shirk Tales, Davisville
Your sister needs to put down the face masks and step away from the essential oils. She can recharge her energies all she wants, but unless she learns to occasionally expend them on other people, it’s not self-care she’s practising—it’s self-absorption. Neglecting responsibilities to a point where your loved ones start to suffer makes you a bad family member and friend. Self-care is about acknowledging your own needs, not disregarding those of others, and no amount of ethically sourced jojoba-infused body butter can mask that stench.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My neighbour’s backyard is separated from mine by a chain-link fence, so we can see straight into it. They’ve started having weekly movie nights on a giant outdoor screen. I can handle the noise, but I have young kids, and the selections aren’t exactly family friendly. This month, I’ve seen a raunchy sex scene and a violent shootout. Can I ask the neighbours to change their programming?
—Kids on the Block, Parkdale
Toronto summers are steamy enough without larger-than-life naked bits projected for the whole neighbourhood to see. There is a way for you to intervene without being a complete fun-crusher, though. Explain that while you have no problem with the cinematic set-up, your youngsters aren’t ready for “the talk” (let alone a full-blown demonstration of the birds and the bees), and ask them to schedule their mature content after bedtime. If they refuse, you could always take on a summer reno project and install a privacy fence.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
I recently applied to rent an apartment in the Annex. Some of the rules seem pretty standard—no smoking, no pets—but I noticed some more restrictive clauses. The landlord is insisting that the tenant not make “noise” and adhere to a midnight curfew. It seems a bit ridiculous. Are his Big Brother rules really allowed?
—Last but Not Leased, East Chinatown
You’re applying for a Toronto rental unit, not a spot at a boarding school for wayward teens. Aside from asking that you pay your rent on time and keep noise down during the wee hours, your landlord doesn’t have any say in your schedule. Should you decide to move in and find yourself butting heads over your comings and goings, you could take your complaint to the Landlord and Tenant Board. But unless you’re desperate for a place, or it’s outlandishly cheap, or you’re a masochist looking for a world of hurt, my best advice is: hard pass.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
. As soon as a Toronto raccoon does something diabolical or the Jays start to falter or DoFo announces more funding cuts, the whole city will move on to a new unifying topic—and hopefully your beau will join them. Until then, try to have patience, but if his tangents go on for more than 30 minutes at a time, channel your inner Nick Nurse and call a time out.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My sister has been on a self-care kick. At first, I was all for it. But lately she’s been using it as an excuse to get out of things she’d rather not do, like babysitting and caring for our elderly mother. She claims she needs to “recharge her energies.” I love a break as much as the next person, but what’s the limit?
—Shirk Tales, Davisville
Your sister needs to put down the face masks and step away from the essential oils. She can recharge her energies all she wants, but unless she learns to occasionally expend them on other people, it’s not self-care she’s practising—it’s self-absorption. Neglecting responsibilities to a point where your loved ones start to suffer makes you a bad family member and friend. Self-care is about acknowledging your own needs, not disregarding those of others, and no amount of ethically sourced jojoba-infused body butter can mask that stench.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
My neighbour’s backyard is separated from mine by a chain-link fence, so we can see straight into it. They’ve started having weekly movie nights on a giant outdoor screen. I can handle the noise, but I have young kids, and the selections aren’t exactly family friendly. This month, I’ve seen a raunchy sex scene and a violent shootout. Can I ask the neighbours to change their programming?
—Kids on the Block, Parkdale
Toronto summers are steamy enough without larger-than-life naked bits projected for the whole neighbourhood to see. There is a way for you to intervene without being a complete fun-crusher, though. Explain that while you have no problem with the cinematic set-up, your youngsters aren’t ready for “the talk” (let alone a full-blown demonstration of the birds and the bees), and ask them to schedule their mature content after bedtime. If they refuse, you could always take on a summer reno project and install a privacy fence.
Dear Urban Diplomat,
I recently applied to rent an apartment in the Annex. Some of the rules seem pretty standard—no smoking, no pets—but I noticed some more restrictive clauses. The landlord is insisting that the tenant not make “noise” and adhere to a midnight curfew. It seems a bit ridiculous. Are his Big Brother rules really allowed?
—Last but Not Leased, East Chinatown
You’re applying for a Toronto rental unit, not a spot at a boarding school for wayward teens. Aside from asking that you pay your rent on time and keep noise down during the wee hours, your landlord doesn’t have any say in your schedule. Should you decide to move in and find yourself butting heads over your comings and goings, you could take your complaint to the Landlord and Tenant Board. But unless you’re desperate for a place, or it’s outlandishly cheap, or you’re a masochist looking for a world of hurt, my best advice is: hard pass.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com){kind=link}