Dear Urban Diplomat: My condo building has zero tolerance for the slightest noise

Dear Urban Diplomat, Last fall, I took advantage of the soft condo market to buy a one-bedroom unit. My issue: the board is puritanical about noise. They don’t want people showering after 11 p.m. because of “pipe whistling.” Other sins include dropping weights in the gym and having a dog who barks. The whole building is now littered with reminder signs. When I raised it with neighbours, they looked askance. Any advice? —Quiet Riot, Yonge-Doris

I’d propose joining the board, but from your neighbours’ reactions, it sounds like your campaign would be DOA. Ask yourself, do these rules rankle you because they’re ridiculous or because they actually affect your quality of life? If it’s the former, I suggest you learn to ignore them. If their petty dictats are legitimately cramping your lifestyle, start condo-shopping now, while the market is still ice-cold. You may have to eat your closing costs and move on.

Dear Urban Diplomat, I’ve always wanted the best for my daughter, so how did I end up raising a Leafs fan? My loyalty has brought me nothing but crushing disappointment every spring. Now, my eight-year-old is getting into the team. But, no matter how often I tell her that it always ends in heartbreak, she wants to be right beside me on the couch every Saturday night. I’m worried that I’m setting her up for a lifetime of hurt. How should I stickhandle her enthusiasm? —Lose-Lose Situation, Clanton Park

Your daughter is enchanted right now, and that’s worth cherishing. What’s more, she wants to share that time with you, so enjoy it. Despite the Leafs’ recent struggles, the club is still a banner institution with a full history of glory. Who knows? You may be thankful to have her along for the ride. Sports fandom may be the last bastion of unbridled optimism. Try to see it through her unjaded eyes.

Dear Urban Diplomat, I love my college program—until I hear my two least favourite words: group project. I keep getting stuck with the same slacker. He goes incommunicado until the night before the deadline, then sends me stuff that looks suspiciously ChatGPT-generated. We’re not allowed to use AI for our coursework. Should I turn him in and risk the ire of the group or edit out the lifted phrases and other AI hallmarks before we submit? —Class Action, West Hill

If AI use is prohibited on penalty of a failing grade, the stakes are high, so you shouldn’t submit it as is. That said, reporting your classmate without proof is also problematic. Your only drama-free option is to rewrite his portion of the assignment yourself. After you receive your diploma, you’ll quickly forget about this guy. After he receives his, he won’t be ready for the workforce.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My co-worker has me unfairly pegged as a drug addict. I picked up a prescription from the drug store the other day and the pharmacist threw in a naloxone kit, which I promptly forgot about. Last week, I was in the office and clumsily dropped my purse. I watched in slow-mo as everything spilled out, including the kit. My colleague, who’s an annoying climb-the-ladder type, saw the whole thing. Now he keeps making snarky comments about my drug use. I know he’s just teasing me. Still, I’m worried he’s going to say something to my boss. How should I handle this? —Kit and Kaboodle, North Toronto

Your co-worker is a jerk who doesn’t understand harm reduction. We’re living in an opioid crisis, and there are plenty of good reasons why someone would want to be ready to reverse an overdose. Or, even worse, he does understand and is just trying to get a rise out of you. Keep a written record of everything. Next time he makes an insinuation, tell him that the kit came from the drug store as a precaution. If he persists, don’t hesitate to drop the words “human resources”—and mean it. Bullies tend to back down when they’re confronted head-on.