Dear Urban Diplomat: My husband thinks I’m a hoarder, but I’m a collector
He’s started quoting Marie Kondo and insisting that I get rid of my “emotional support tchotchkes.” How can I get him to back off?
Dear Urban Diplomat, My husband and I have a house in a great location, and he’s convinced that we can make a mint renting it out for three weeks this June, when Toronto hosts the World Cup. I thought it was a good idea at first. Then he started quoting Marie Kondo and giving me chores, most of which involve getting rid of what he calls my “emotional support tchotchkes.” I collect vintage clothing and antique toys, but I’m no hoarder. How can I hit rewind on this plan? —A Fine Mess, South Parkdale
After many years in the same place, it can feel like you’re drowning in stuff even if there’s no textbook hoarding involved. Maybe your husband is feeling a deeper malaise about the state of the house and is using the Airbnb plan as a pretence. A compromise may be in order. Identify things that you can jettison while setting a defined place in the house for your most cherished collections. This should ease his mind. Then, come June, you’ll be rolling in dough instead of clutter.
Dear Urban Diplomat, A few months ago, my favourite local restaurant rebranded with a new communal dining concept, and I hate it. It completely torpedoed the vibe. I’m friendly with the owner, and when I ran into him on the street recently, he asked why I haven’t been around. I panicked and said I’ve just been busy. Now I feel bad. The next time I see him, should I tell him how I really feel or keep making excuses? —Table Stakes, The Danforth
The restaurant business is exceedingly precarious, and success hinges on a loyal customer base, so your honest opinion counts. Of course, you’re under no obligation to tell the owner how you feel, but why wouldn’t you? He may disagree, and that’s his prerogative. Then again, he may welcome some thoughtful feedback to offset the anonymous online vitriol most restaurateurs regularly wade through. For his sake and yours, it’s worth a try.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My ex’s new boo just asked me to be a “reference.” This woman found me on Instagram and DMed me out of the blue. Apparently she’s been seeing him for a few weeks and has been approaching his exes to determine his potential as a long-term boyfriend. He was a bit aimless, a bit aloof, but not a bad guy. Should I engage with her? Or should I reach out to him to let him know that this woman is, somewhat creepily, contacting his old flames? —Blast From the Past, Bayview Village
This woman’s attempt to contact you is definitely peculiar. Unless your ex was abusive, you’re not ethically bound to disclose anything about your relationship. At the same time, raising it with him may embroil you in a cauldron of drama that has nothing to do with you. Given her weirdness after just a few weeks, I think it’s fair to assume that this relationship doesn’t have legs. That’s their problem, not yours. My advice? Leave her on read.
Dear Urban Diplomat, I stare at a screen all day for work (and let’s be honest, quite often at night for leisure). To do something real with my time and get my hands dirty, I took up pottery classes, and I’ve been touting the therapeutic benefits ever since. A friend recently joined the same class on my recommendation, and I’ve been giving her pointers. It seems like she has a natural gift and can already execute well at a high level. My issue: she’s stealing my designs. I know it’s petty, but I can’t stand seeing everybody swoon over her bowls and mugs when they’re based on my ideas. Am I taking it too personally, or should I say something? —Mud Fight, Dovercourt Village
Imitation, as they say, is the sincerest form of flattery, and it’s possible that your friend doesn’t even realize she’s upsetting you. With respect, it’s not as though your livelihood depends on your designs, however beautiful they may be. I think you need to get over this minor violation and try to remember why you joined this class in the first place. You said yourself that pottery is your therapy. Going forward, keep your ideas to yourself and don’t let it become a competition between friends.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
