Dear Urban Diplomat: What’s the etiquette for EV charging?

Dear Urban Diplomat, What’s the etiquette for EV charging? A few weeks ago, I finally found a spot in my neighbourhood to juice up my car, only for the app to tell me it “wasn’t available.” Another driver pulled up and said that she’d reserved the charger via the app, so she had dibs. I said that was ridiculous and refused to budge. Then she cursed me out and threatened to report me. Was I in the wrong? —Guilty as Charged, New Toronto

Most EV apps allow users to reserve chargers for various periods of time, so the answer is yes, you were wrong. The tech is relatively new, so you get a pass this time, but what you did is no different from showing up to a busy restaurant and planting yourself at an open table that’s already been reserved. Next time, you’ll know to book your station in advance, but if you do come across a hapless individual who doesn’t know the protocol, try empathy instead of outrage.

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Dear Urban Diplomat, I think my ex is using his digital detox as an excuse to avoid me. We’re co-­parents, and while he’s still there for pick-ups and drop-offs, he’s ditched his phone and checks his email only once a day. He insists it’s great for his mental health, which is fine, but it’s extremely inconvenient for me. I emailed him to talk about our son’s summer camp registration, and it took him two weeks to get back to me. I’d call him out, but I’m worried that it would upset our precarious balance. Should I? —Detox Screen, Davisville Village

A direct confrontation wouldn’t be prudent. You’re no longer romantically involved, so your ex’s reason for lack of communication matters less than its effects. Next time you talk with him, avoid accusations about his unplugged lifestyle and focus on outcomes. You need to figure out your kid’s summer—and lots more after that. Then ask him what’s the best way to communicate about your son, particularly when there’s some urgency. If you inquire without attitude, he may come around.

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Dear Urban Diplomat, My girlfriend and I want to get married, and her grandmother gave us her old engagement ring for the proposal. My problem: somewhere on the drive back from St. Catharines, I lost the ring. I turned the car upside down, but it’s gone. My girlfriend forgave me and wants me to buy a similar ring in the hope that Pópo won’t notice. But the prospect of deceiving her is weighing on me. Should I come clean? —On the Rocks, Thorncliffe Park

Don’t do an end run around your girlfriend. Say you go directly to Pópo and confess. She’ll likely forgive you, assuaging your guilty conscience, but your fiancée probably won’t. Your job is to gently try to bring your girlfriend around to your way of thinking. Tell her that deceiving Pópo could backfire or that, even if she never finds out the truth, carrying the lie will be a burden. If you fail to persuade her, you must defer. Her grandma, her call.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My partner and I love our one-­bedroom near the UP Express—except when my mom crashes the party. She lives in Peterborough and flies out of Pearson once a month for business, and she sleeps over to save time and money. But she’s high-maintenance and never stops talking. My partner is sick of it. I figure it’s the least I can do for the woman who raised me, plus I’m terrified of the blow-up that might ensue if I nix our deal. Help? —Close Quarters, Weston

No one’s to blame here. Once a month can feel like a lot to one person and no big deal to another. If you want to avoid straining your relationship with both parties, you need to find a compromise that everyone can live with. Try scheduling date nights on the evenings when Mom touches down at your apartment, to minimize contact. If that doesn’t calm the waters, look into whether your complex has a rentable guest room that your mom can stay in. Or maybe there’s an Airbnb in the building. If you can find her something cheaper than a hotel that’s close to you but not too close, you may have your solution.

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com