Dear Urban Diplomat: My family takes Mother’s Day more seriously than Father’s Day

Dear Urban Diplomat,  My family takes Mother’s Day more seriously than Father’s Day, and I’ve had it. Every May, I make my wife breakfast in bed, give her gifts “from the kids” and deliver flowers to her office. Then, come June, I’m supposed to feel jazzed about a grill brush. I hate the barbecue! When I mentioned this disparity, my wife rolled her eyes. Am I justified in boycotting these made-up holidays? —Daddy Issues, Humewood-Cedarvale

It’s true that moms generally get more love than dads on their respective days. But there are a host of reasons for it: they carry the babies, they birth them and, despite men stepping up to domestic duties more these days, studies show that moms still shoulder the lion’s share of parental responsibilities. If that’s not the case in your household, fine, go ahead and have a frank conversation with your wife about feeling underappreciated, but leave the holidays out of it. Your complaint about presents is petty, and a gift-measuring contest will win you no favours.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My YIMBYism has turned me into the neighbourhood pariah. I live on a leafy cul-de-sac where a multiplex has been proposed for a nearby corner lot. Every day, my neighbours voice some new concern: parking, construction noise, property values and—of course—“ruining the character of the neighbourhood.” They went door to door trying to drum up outrage, and I made the grievous error of saying I didn’t mind some gentle density coming our way. Now they’ve frozen me out, leaving me off the email for the annual block party. Should I make amends, and if so, how? —Exile on Main Street, Milliken

Neighbourhood politics are a treacherous beast. Toronto needs more YIMBYs, and you were brave to voice your support for the development despite your neighbours’ opposition. They’ll get over it, especially if the project goes through and they see how little impact six units will have on their lives. Go to the block party and bring an excess of food and drink as an olive branch. If the multiplex comes up, tell them you’ll have to agree to disagree.

Dear Urban Diplomat, Is it wrong to ask my couples therapist for a refund? My long-time partner and I hit the skids and sought therapy earlier this year, but after two months, she broke up with me. I paid a mint for this therapist, who always took my partner’s side. So I requested recompense. He denied it by saying that his services “don’t guarantee results”—even though I shelled out for sessions we never got to use. Any advice on how to resolve the situation? —Fiscal Therapy, Lambton Baby Point

Let it go. It’s neither healthy nor productive to channel your frustrations with your own interpersonal issues toward a third-party provider. Therapy is about self-reflection, and it sounds like you could use a long look in the mirror. Who knows? If you avoid burning the bridge, maybe this therapist will let you roll those unused sessions over to a future relationship. You may need them.

Dear Urban Diplomat, I rent the main floor of a semi in the east end, and my landlord lives above me. At first, we got along well. Lately, though, he’s been dropping intrusive comments about my lifestyle. He recently pointed out that I always seem to be in a hurry and told me to budget my time better. A week later, he said that the makeup I wear will attract toxic men. The rent is cheap, and I don’t want to move or, worse, get kicked out. How can I get him to butt out without causing havoc? —Lease and Desist, The Danforth

Your landlord’s observations aren’t just intrusive—they’re creepy. Start documenting his commentary, saving any unwarranted emails or texts in case you need to go nuclear. But, first, tell him that some of his remarks make you uncomfortable and that he needs to respect your privacy. Be diplomatic but firm. If that doesn’t work, you can file a formal complaint with the Landlord and Tenant Board. If you establish a pattern of harassment, they may order him to stop the behaviour or even pay compensation.

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com