Masterchef Canada Recap, episode 14: “I will shed blood, sweat and tears to win this title”

Lesson #1: There Will Be Drama Despite the unusually swelling orchestral score, this week’s episode did not involve any actual medieval battle scenes. There were a few moments of genuine drama, though: the giant shed-sized mystery box, for instance, that opened up to reveal an actual man inside. It was New York restaurateur Joe Bastianach—i.e. the judge on Masterchef USA who isn’t Gordon Ramsay or the chubby one—and the sole purpose of his 10-minute Canadian cameo was apparently to inflict random psychological torture on the contestants while they tried to make him a nice Italian meal. (“Really? You’re putting that in there? In the sauce? Does that seem like a good idea? Huh.”) The Cancon judges seemed rather pussycat-ish in comparison, but it was Michael Bonacini’s less-than-glowing critique that ultimately signaled an early death knell for poor Tammara. Her veal sauce, while admirable, was insufficiently luscious. She got booted, leaving Kaila, Eric and Marida still in the running, with one more elimination to go.

Lesson #2: There Won’t Be Surprises The second elimination might have been a shocker, if not for this show’s abysmally clumsy foreshadowing techniques. It was poor, perpetually startled Kaila who let this telling nugget of optimism escape her mouth approximately six minutes into the episode: “Someone’s going home and it’s not going to be me”—which of course meant that it so, so was going to be her. Everyone else seemed to know, too, including that creepy, cat-sized crab and Claudio Aprile, who more or less launched into his sayonara speech before even tasting her overcooked scallops. Score one for Marida, whose doubtful razor-clam plan (“I chose them because I’ve never cooked with them before”) ultimately paid off, shuttling she and Eric into next week’s finale.

Lesson #3: Or Sweet, Sweet Romance Sadly, then, we don’t get to see Kaila and Eric go head-to-head in an epic culinary showdown, which means there’s little chance that Eric, caught up in a frenzy of intense cookery, will accidentally set his apron alight, causing Kaila to swoop in and extinguish the blaze, only to ignite the smoldering embers of passion in their mutual hearts and loins. Or something.

Images courtesy of Bell Media