The Internet really wants Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir to hook up
This morning, while most Canadians slept, Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir helped Canada win its first gold medal of the Pyeongchang Olympics, in team figure skating. When they took the ice to a cover of “Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge, the judges saw a technically proficient 10-point routine. The rest of the world saw, well, two people on skates doing everything short of getting it on. They twirled, they touched, they gazed into each other’s eyes like Jack and Rose on a capsizing Titanic. The routine was just smutty enough that you’d be embarrassed to watch it with your parents. Here it is, complete with sensual French commentary:
« Prodigieux. On vient de vivre un très grand moment. »@TessaVirtue et @ScottMoir ont envoûté la foule avec cette performance, selon Alain Goldberg ??#PyeongChang2018 #RColympiques #EquipeCanada #patinageartistique #VirtueMoir@SkateCanada pic.twitter.com/JUrBI94JYM
— Radio-Canada Sports (@RC_Sports) February 12, 2018
Late-night viewers were a little hot and bothered:
— Joni Koneval (@JoniKoneval) February 12, 2018
Virtue and Moir having ice sex to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack combines all my interests. If only she'd powerbombed him at the end!
— JE Snowden (@JESnowden) February 12, 2018
yeah sex is great and all but have you ever watched tessa virtue and scott moir skate..
— jade leto (@wellsjahasghost) February 11, 2018
Virtue and Moir are excellent technicians and have a lot of artistic flair, but the fact that they always look like they’re gonna bang it out as soon as they get their scores gives their performances that extra little bit of pizzazz.
— Clare (@missclare) February 11, 2018
And that was without the “risqué” move they cut from the routine:
What about the Virtue and Moir's Xxx Too Hot for TV ice dancing lift that they cut for competition?
— Can of Pineapple (@CanofPineapple) February 12, 2018
Naturally, Twitter framed them as the perfect couple, despite the fact they’re completely platonic (minus a date or two as grade schoolers):
— Lucas Meyer (@meyer_lucas) February 11, 2018
"When Scott Moir talks about seeing ice dance partner Tessa Virtue in her costume for the first time, he sounds like a groom laying eyes on his bride walking up the aisle." pic.twitter.com/5esQxJIfly
— Cammien Ray (@CammienRay) February 11, 2018
And Canadians, who already saw this in 2010 and 2014, reflected on the great national tradition of “shipping” Tessa and Scott (i.e., wishing they were together):
Ah, yes. This special time every four years when the entire country ships Tessa and Scott.
— Kate (@kateanderson) February 11, 2018
Canada, every four years when we’re reminded that Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue exist pic.twitter.com/UuK9HZ8c2T
— thermal jumpsuit (@JodiesJumpsuit) February 9, 2018
The best thing about ice dancing is new people seeing Virtue and Moir and joining the rest of us that have wondered for years "What do you mean, they're not together?"
— J // No matter what (@ElisaQueen) February 11, 2018
That last tweet nailed it. For example:
wtf do you mean Virtue and Moir AREN’T madly in love and engaged to be married??? pic.twitter.com/rklWoYOzoT
— academy award nominee sufjan stevens ? (@agoghve) February 12, 2018
me, trying to sleep knowing Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue aren’t like, TOGETHER together pic.twitter.com/bOF1jfhalo
— kate black (@kategblack) February 12, 2018
Some people presented evidence to the contrary:
— tear-ah (@ladyfriday87) February 11, 2018
Everyone's talking about wishing Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir are married but are we FORGETTING that Tessa literally wore wedding dresses in one photo shoot with Scott for a CANADIAN BRIDAL MAG?? pic.twitter.com/E9PB5K3ysK
— trashed potential (@FANGIRLOVERLOAD) February 12, 2018
While others were simply in denial:
VIRTUE AND MOIR ARE IN LOVE AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME OTHERWISE.
— Todd VanDerWerff (@tvoti) February 12, 2018
And the truth certainly didn’t stop people from imagining their own fanfic finales to Virtue and Moir’s careers:
WHAT IF, Virtue & Moir have been semi-secretly pining for each other lo these 20 years BUT they knew their unfulfilled yearnings were what powered their on-ice chemistry so they sublimated for glory BUT NOW IT IS TIME? pic.twitter.com/SWTJz5btL9
— Jenny Holiday (@jennyholi) February 12, 2018
Can Virtue and Moir just end their career after these olympics with a big “lol jokes on you fam we’ve been in love all along”
— Andrea (@aaperezzle) February 11, 2018
If Virtue/Moir don't end the Olympics with a surprising engagement announcement the way Song/Song denied dating each other for 2+ years before springing their MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENT what is the point of anything.
— Natalie (@wednesdaydreams) February 12, 2018
Their on-ice chemistry was even enough to spark a series of X-Files tweets:
Virtue and Moir are platonic in the same universe Mulder and Scully are. pic.twitter.com/h38T3412dn
— heather mason (@NerdHeather) February 12, 2018
Looking forward to Virtue and Moir coming back in 2022 and ice-dancing to sexy Scully and Mulder fanfic.
— Karen DaltonBeninato (@kbeninato) February 12, 2018