Dear Urban Diplomat: My boyfriend refuses to turn on the AC

Dear Urban Diplomat, If air conditioning is installed in an apartment, shouldn’t it be a human right to use it? No matter how sweltering the day, my boyfriend refuses to turn it on. He’s from France, and apparently they don’t use it much there. He wouldn’t even indulge me when we had guests over for dinner, forcing us to ignore one another’s sweat patches as we perspired into our linguine. How can I get him to chill out and let me crank the AC? —Losing My Cool, St. Clair West Village

Try to persuade him with the facts—heat domes are making AC a necessity, not a privilege, and the city is considering regulating maximum temperatures in apartments because of health risks. Or you could join the legions of passive-aggressive people who wage silent wars on their partners by adjusting the thermostat to their preference each time they walk by.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My childhood best friend just moved to Toronto from up north. We were once inseparable, but things fizzled out after we went to different universities. So I was thrilled when she relocated here for work. The thing is, her tastes haven’t evolved beyond the backwoods. When I offer to take her out for ramen, she wants Eggsmart. When I suggest an indie at the Carlton, she counters with a Marvel movie. I don’t get why she moved to the big city if she wants to keep her world so small. I can’t fake it any longer. Help? —Snob Story, Bloorcourt Village

It’s easy to lose perspective when your nose is pointed to the sky. Give her a break. She uprooted her life to try something new, not to be judged. Take a one-for-me, one-for-her approach: if she insists on dragging you to the CN Tower, go, but drop a hint about how much more Toronto has to offer. Then insist on taking her somewhere only locals go—and repeat the process. Eventually, she’ll find her own favourite things to do. The beauty of big cities is that they’re diverse enough for all tastes and types.

Dear Urban Diplomat, Like many Torontonians, my wife and I fled the city at the outset of the pandemic. Both of our jobs shifted to work-from-anywhere, so we bought a house in Cobourg, and we’ve never been happier. Now my CEO has mandated that everyone return to the office three days a week to boost productivity. Here’s the thing: I never told my boss that we had left the city. I love my job and don’t want to quit, nor do we want to break the bank on a pied-à-terre. What’s the move here? —Remote Control, Cobourg

Despite the dictatorial tone of these edicts, many companies are surprisingly flexible in their implementation. First, tell your boss that you now live 120 kilometres from the office. Maybe he’ll make an exception. If so, problem solved. If not, try negotiating him down to one day a week, but go in armed with what you’re willing to do to stay employed. If he holds firm, you’ll have to choose between your dream job and your dream home.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My partner has taken up the no-buy challenge that’s rolling through social media. And it sucks. For the past month, we’ve forgone all non-­essentials—no new clothes, no meals out, nothing. I’ve managed to sneak in a few coffees, but apart from that, we’ve been living like ascetics. Last night, she calculated that we had saved more than $2,000 and was so thrilled that she wants to extend the austerity program for another month. How do I get her to stop this madness? —Dollar Drama, Humber Bay Shores

Your partner is doing the economic equivalent of a crash diet, which gets quick results but isn’t sustainable. Financial planners say that saving is best achieved by adhering to a proper budget and is easiest with a quantitative objective in mind, such as a down payment on a house. Tell her this extreme thriftiness is making you miserable. Discuss why she wants to save, set a target, then leave some room for the little luxuries that make life livable.

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