Fifteen of the CNE’s wacky new foods, ranked from best to worst

It’s that time of year again: the glow of neon lights and a hundred different mechanical sounds fill the air, oversized stuffed animals dangle from the rafters (this time, it’s all about Labubu), wasps rejoice and every jug of vegetable oil from across the land is being put to work. The CNE is back in town. Sure, the rides are a draw, but we all know where the real thrills are: the food. Last year’s theme was pickles. This year, dairy reigns supreme—butter where it shouldn’t be, cheese where you’d least expect it and ice cream in all the wrong places. Is it so bad it’s good? That’s for you to decide, but we do have notes.

Here, 15 of the newest creations, ranked from surprisingly delicious to brace yourself.

Related: The price of the Ex’s new VIP pass will make your head spin

Poutine dumps

From the friends who brought us last year’s standout (and still available) Superfly Noodle comes this year’s take on classic poutine. The kicker? Nothing in this carnival of a dish is deep-fried. Shocking, we know. Steamed chicken or pork dumplings replace the fries and are dunked in Japanese coconut curry gravy. They’re torched with a triple blend of shredded cheese and finished with green onions, crispy shallots, garlic and chili crisp. Also shocking: there’s not a scoop of ice cream or a pat of butter in sight.

The Bacone

Strangely delicious, the Bacone stacks a spicy habanero-and-bacon-infused cotton candy poof on a creamy Passion Flakie, crowns it with a butter tart, then drenches it in maple Timbit glaze. It’s a balancing act in a bite and proudly Canadian in composition (though unapologetically American in its threat to collapse and burn at any moment).

Two-foot-long hot dog

Okay, this is just a big hot dog, so it tastes how you would expect it to. There’s nothing strange about it except its size. About the same length as a full-grown dachshund, this all-beef extend-o-dog is piled with shredded dill pickles and served with a choice of condiments. Such a sausage can be carried only one way: in a dignified cardboard case with a handle.

Strawberry and black chocolate crack latte

Last year, it was the ube crack latte. This year, the crack is back—but it’s black chocolate. From Marry Me Mochi comes the strawberry and black chocolate crack latte, a chocolate-coated glass that shatters when you squeeze it, revealing a milky blush-pink latte. It’s a tribute to K-pop royalty Blackpink, and it’s only venomous if chugged before a spin on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

The Chicken Nugget Cookie

For those who can’t wait to finish their chicken nuggies before dessert, there’s a solution. Meet Craig’s Cookies’ latest creation: the chicken nugget cookie. Traditional Craig’s cookie dough hugs a breaded nug, then goes straight into the oven. And yes, barbecue sauce comes on the side, and dunking is highly recommended. It’s not as weird as it sounds, especially when you think of chicken and waffles.

Chicago Mix popcorn chicken tenders

We can’t promise you won’t be standing in a Garrett’s Popcorn–length line for these Better Mouse Trap chicken fingers, but we can gently suggest you try them anyway. Coated in crispy Panko, fried golden, then dusted with umami-rich cheese powder and warm caramel, it’s a reinvention of a classic we can fully get behind.

Butter burger

Made using a recipe from 19th-century Wisconsin—back when people were maybe not as educated about arteries—the Butter Burger is a smash patty topped with melty American cheese and onions, drizzled in a savoury butter blend, then tucked into a bun.

Related: From taco fiestas to pickle parties, these are seven of this summer’s can’t-miss food festivals

Deep-fried macaron cheese curds

This year, the Cheese Curd King has waved goodbye to Taylor Swift and crowned his new queen: Labubu. For this viral deep-fried cheese masterpiece, the curds and breaded, fried, topped with Labubu-coloured crushed macaron shells, drizzled with macaron buttercream and finished with a Labubu topper. On the side? A Labubu keychain. In the mood for a lineup? Come here.

Lobster gelato

Does it sound wrong? Of course it does. Saying otherwise would raise some eyebrows. But this bastardized frozen dessert—a blend of egg yolks, sugar, cream and, yes, actual chunks of actual lobster claw meat—is basically just frozen lobster dunked in sweet, sweet butter.

Maki sushi corn dog

The Maki Sushi Corn Dog keeps things in check with a touch of global food chaos. For this wacky snack, an all-beef hot dog is wrapped in sushi rice, rolled in seaweed, coated in corn batter, deep-fried (hang on, need to take a breath), then drizzled with spicy mayo and teriyaki glaze and dotted with sesame seeds. Long live [insert]!

Deep-fried frozen watermelon

There’s always a way to take a healthy frozen treat and make it fat-shion. The people at Mr. Pickle debase watermelon by taking frozen slices of the stuff, dipping them in batter, deep-frying the fallen-from-glory treat and sprinkling them with powdered sugar. Don’t even pretend it’s healthy—this no longer qualifies as fruit.

Fruity Pebble corn dog

For the FPCD, a halal beef hot dog and a hunk of mozzarella are impaled on a stick, coated in a corn-based batter and—surprise, surprise—deep-fried. The cheesy, beefy wand is then drizzled with icing and finished with Fruity Pebble cereal—for texture, of course.

Biscoff-fried chicken crunch ice cream sandwich

The folks at La Vietnamita food truck have veered from their banh mi tacos—pretty tame compared with CNE food standards—to something that refuses to be categorized. Meet the Biscoff-fried chicken crunch ice cream sandwich: a whole chicken breast rolled in breadcrumbs and crushed Biscoff cookies, deep-fried, then shoved in a bun with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, maple-chili sauce, Lotus cookie butter drizzle, and crisp carrots and daikons (I bet those threw you off a bit). Fusion before function, as they say.

Butter soda

For those who missed the Mormon-fuelled dirty soda trend—which mixes every imaginable flavored soda with cream—worry not: the CNE has taken the sugary sludge one step further, swapping the coffee kick for a frothy butter topping. It raises the question: Is everything really better with butter?

Related: A “dirty soda” shop just opened at the Dufferin Mall

Churro pizza

Under the category of “Why mess with success?" comes the churro pizza: a churro coiled into a circle, deep-fried, then topped with marinara sauce, cheese and pepperoni. Sometimes things are so wrong they’re right—and sometimes, they’re just wrong. Churros? Good. Pizza? Also good. Churro pizza? Hard pass.

Oreo ice cream sandwich hash brown

Remember when ice cream was ice cream and hash browns were hash browns? Oh, right—we’re talking to the TikTok generation, so no one does. Here’s the thing: if you were to separate the Oreo ice cream stacked between three layers of perfectly good hash browns and eat each component on its own, it might taste like the old days. Instead, it tastes better, but only for the camera.