Why the NHL trade deadline is the sports equivalent of the Oscars

1. Oh, the hype! Oh, the hoopla! The hype machine behind the Academy Awards is utterly crazy. For hockey fans, the media engine leading up to the NHL trade deadline is just about as insane (see: Sports Network, The)—and, to make matters worse, the two frenzies are happening in tandem. The rampant speculation, the all-out media smorgasbord of rumours, gossip and unsubstantiated reports, the manufactured buzz, the social media frenzy. There is so much talk that by the time the big day arrives, the myriad theories regarding what might happen completely overshadow what actual happens. Who was traded to whom? We don’t remember, but there was definitely a good chance Brad Richards might be traded to L.A. for two sound engineers and Michelle Williams.

2. We’re sick the show before it even starts The Globe’s television critic, John Doyle, authored a hilarious and damning critique of the Oscars two days before the big night (get it? The Oscars hadn’t even happened yet!). The same rant could have easily applied to the NHL trade deadline. With all the scrutiny, the results seem like a foregone conclusion. At the Academy Awards, everybody knows who’s going to win what. At the NHL trade deadline, everybody knows nobody of significance is actually going to get traded.

3. The hosts are lame Anne Hathaway and James Franco weren’t the best hosts ever. Well, at least Rogers Sportnet’s hockey panel (or any other hockey panel, for that matter) didn’t get the job. Hathaway and Franco look pretty, they speak at a normal pace and volume and their heads appear to be the standard human size. The same can’t be said for those that presided over deadline day coverage. So. Much. Yelling.

4. Fashion violations are rampant ‘Nuff said for the Oscars. But is it so hard for members of the assembled television and print sports media to strike a balance between ink-stained wretch, gaudy tie–shirt combos and bar attire? We didn’t know if we’re watching a special sports edition of  What Not to Wear or if the hosts would look more comfortable with a gin and tonic in their hands.

Come to think of it, adding a little liquor and a healthy dose of Clinton Kelly might just make deadline day actually interesting. Too bad there’s no Golden Globes for hockey.