Masterchef Canada Recap, episode 4: “Dale is Drama”
Masterchef Canada’s most impeccably groomed contestant may also be a raging sociopath. Last night’s episode was basically an hour-long Aristotelian drama written, directed and starring resident scene queen, Dale Kuda. Unlike classical Greek tragedy, though, Dale’s hubris did not relegate him to a lifetime of insanity or, alternatively, a terrible death. Instead, it got him a breezy ticket to the winners’ balcony and the chance to taunt his teammates down in the kitchen while they fantasized about bludgeoning him with their pasta rollers. Here, three more takeaways from episode four.
Lesson #1: “The fish rots from the head”
Sage words of wisdom from Judge Claudio. Dale’s brief but disastrous flirtation with group-leadership had several highlights. Our favourites: his utter contempt for 80 per cent of vegetables (“I don’t like endive. I think it’s terrible.”); his total disregard for the thoughts and opinions of any of his teammates; and his increasingly haunted preoccupation with getting “thrown under the bus” by the very people he proceeded to throw under the bus.
Lesson #2: Be cool
The Toronto Maple Leafs made a brief appearance on the show, and their studliness and celebrity proved too overpowering for most contestants, who struggled to act like normal human beings in the hockey players’ presence. Some were reduced to awestruck silence (e.g. Dora the Plumber’s reverent whisper: “They’re like mountains of men”). Kaila’s manic banter was by far the most excruciating, especially after we’d already watched her suffer a minor flesh wound and endure a verbal thrashing from Despot Dale. The Leafs, meanwhile, just looked confused and sort of bored.
Lesson #3: Keep the viewers guessing (about whether you’re a crappy cook)
We’re a little confused about the skill levels at play on this show. At least half the contestants seem to be incapable of very rudimentary culinary tasks, like using knives and roasting root vegetables. But then, every member of the white team was able to fashion a meticulously handcrafted raviolo in 45 minutes, apparently without any recipe or instructions. (Actually, we’re sort of skeptical about this.) In the end, Brooke’s stuffed pasta was the weakest, and she was sent home—thus confirming her suspicions that Dale would gladly “throw her under the bus, reverse, honk twice and keep going.” (There were an awful lot of bus metaphors flying around, no?)
Kaila surprised us by coming in first. The real winner, though, was Dale himself, whose totally founded fears of getting tossed under a moving vehicle never materialized, despite the scores of people who gladly would have done so, if given the chance. He even capped things off by throwing down the classic one-liner uttered by generations of bitchy bachelorettes and other reality TV villains: “I’m not here to make friends.” Automatic standing ovation.