Lloyd Robertson to retire. We name five improbable replacements
Veteran news anchor Lloyd Robertson has announced his retirement as anchor of CTV’s nightly news, effective late next year. There have been rumours of Robertson’s departure for months, says the Sun, but last night he finally dropped the bomb on his viewers. CTV seems to have known about this in advance, because it plans to announce his understudy and eventual replacement later today. Until then, how about some baseless speculation on who will fill the Lloyd-shaped hole at CTV?
Samantha Bee She’s a Daily Show vet, she’s funny, and she’s already interviewed enough crazy people to qualify her to at least cover Toronto city council. She’s Canadian, and not just a little bit: born in Toronto, studied in Ottawa, Montreal, and back at George Brown in Toronto before making the leap to New York. Best known for coining the term “NILF.” (See #3.) Will destroy Peter Mansbridge by: Ensuring nobody under 40 watches CBC News. Oh, wait. Never mind.
Conan O’Brien Will somehow be lured from his show on TBS to anchor a Canadian news channel, and then 76-year-old Robertson will announce he wants his job back. Will destroy Peter Mansbridge by: Going back to California and somehow making do with his millions and millions of dollars.
The Shats Another Canadian, Shatner was born in Montreal but got his acting start in Robertson’s hometown of Stratford, Ontario. The biggest oddity is that Shatner is older than the man he’d be replacing. Will destroy Peter Mansbridge by: Beating him on the pop charts with a dance remix of the Shat classic “Mr. Tambourine Man.”
Justin Bieber Sure, the closest he’s come to international reporting was when some pranksters tried to get him sent to North Korea, but he, too, is from Stratford. There must be something in the water, right? Will destroy Peter Mansbridge by: Lifting his pinky finger ever so slightly. Packs of feral teens will descend on Mansbridge, whose body will have to be identified by dental records.
An Actual Journalist If you want an actual reporter to fill Robertson’s seat, there are plenty of names floating around. CTV colleagues Lisa Laflamme and Sandie Rinaldo are candidates, but so is recently departed Global News front man Kevin Newman. They’re qualified, sure, but we can’t imagine them using the word “NILF” on air. Will destroy Peter Mansbridge by: Please. Nothing can stop Mansbridge now.
• CTV newsman Lloyd Robertson to retire [Toronto Sun] • Top CTV anchor Lloyd Robertson to retire next year [Toronto Star]
UPDATE, 12:53 p.m.: Lisa Laflamme tapped to replace Lloyd Robertson [CityTV]
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