Justin Bieber: Never Say Never—The Drinking Game

Thought the lovesick teen in your life had finally beat that case of Bieber Fever? Well prepare for a relapse. Today, the long awaited, fervently anticipated 3-D biopic about the little boy with a big dream hits movie theatres across North America, and, OMG, it’s going to be nuts. We managed to fight our way into an advanced screening of Never Say Never earlier this week, where it was hard to hear the movie over a 300-strong chorus of screaming fangirls in the audience.

What is a dutiful parent to do? First off, don’t sweat it. This is not a terrible movie. In fact, it’s kind of awesome to see the entire phenomenon unfold, and you would have to be made of dead puppies not to appreciate the adorable Bieber-as-baby footage. Still not convinced? Far be it from us to suggest smuggling hooch into a wholesome, family-friendly viewing experience such as this, so for entertainment purposes only, we present the unofficial and totally unauthorized Justin Bieber: Never Say Never drinking game.

Take a drink:

• Every time a woman who is old enough to be Bieber’s mom behaves like a love struck teenager. (This happens all too often.)

• Whenever you spot a new colour or style of JB’s trademark high tops. And yes, purple suede is different from purple patent leather.

• Every time a Bieber friend or family member makes reference to the fact that they’re just regular folk. And they really are. You’d think the boy wonder could have coughed up a little cash to fix the stuffed fox in Grandpa’s basement.

• Every time you get the feeling that Justin’s devoted manager Scooter Braun made this movie as much to mythologize himself as to celebrate his client.

• When Bieber or Braun says “MSG,” and you automatically think about delicious, greasy Chinese food before you realize they’re talking about Madison Square Garden.

• Every time the wonders of 3-D technology make it feel as though Justin is gazing and pointing directly at you. (You may also want to plug your ears at this point.)

• Each time you tear up. Don’t be embarrassed. We got wet-eyed. Twice. Once when Braun gives front row tickets to the down-and-out dad and his daughter and again when Justin’s grandpa talks about sending his grandson out into the world and just hoping he raised him right. We’re getting a little emotional just thinking about it.

• Experts only: Take a sip every time Justin flips his hair, takes his shirt off or gets picked up, sack-of-potatoes-style, by a member of his team. Now be sure to hand over your keys, take two Tylenol and be happy that no one will recognize you in your 3-D glasses.

(Image: Paramount/MTV Films)