Four Weddings Canada, episode 4: drunk husband-bride
What’s a husband-bride? It’s a husband who stands in as a contestant after his wife has come down with a bit of food poisoning, an invention courtesy of Four Weddings Canada. The outcome is hilarious, and hilarity is something this week’s episode desperately needed. If the HB hadn’t been present, this edition would’ve been the most saccharine to date. Sorry, brides, but you all thought everything was lovely? Everything? And you know why you loved all of the dresses? Because you all basically had the same one. Get over yourselves. Find out why this week’s husband-bride, Matthew, was amazing and see who measured off the charts on our Bitch-O-Meter after the jump.
Jill, age 36 (Budget: $40,000)
Unfortunately, although Jill is “desperately worried about falling down the stairs,” she doesn’t. We don’t want her to actually get hurt, but it would’ve added some excitement to the ceremony. At the other ceremonies, Jill’s a nitpicker. When there’s tea, she comments, “I’m a wine drinker,” and when Ultimate Frisbee–playing bride Steph has a Frisbee at her reception, she complains, saying “There was a Frisbee. I’m not really sure what that was.” It’s a Frisbee, lady. Jill is such a keen observer that she also mistakes Chinese dragons for puppies. Oh, and she also has trouble blowing bubbles. She’s a smart cookie.
Steph, age 26 (Budget: $60,000)
Steph is a self-proclaimed “sucker for ruffles.” Okay. She stresses that Julia’s wedding reception could’ve been at “any banquet hall” and that her salad is just “a lump of green lettuce on a plate.” Apart from this somewhat subdued bitchy commentary, she’s kind of a delight. Snore.
Julia, age 25 (Budget: $25,000)
Julia has continued in the tradition of Four Weddings Canada brides who complain about the heat. Julia knocks three points off Jill’s venue score because of the heat, which we think is silly. We hope a future bride complains that there is too much oxygen, because that’s worth at least a five-point deduction. She complains about a berry garnish at a reception, stating that they look like a poisonous variety found in the woods. We laughed, because we thought the same thing. She says Steph’s wedding could use a little less colour, but other than that, she’s also very sweet. Painfully so. Bonus points: she makes her husband plan her wedding because she’s lazy.
Kim, age 24 (Budget: $22,000)
Kim’s the Charlotte York of this quartet. She spent a year and a half planning every aspect of the wedding herself, from the invitations to the centrepieces. She’s a total Pollyanna, with the insults to match: “I think I was thinking of a fancier golf course;” “the whole reception just reminded me of a cottage;” and “it seems like a typical guy’s meal.” Those really sting, Kim. Our favourite line: “I don’t normally try food.”
Matthew, age unknown (Julia’s husband)
Matt graciously steps in as a guest at Kim’s wedding when his wife comes down with food poisoning. Of course, it’s a free dinner and drinks, so it probably doesn’t take much convincing. He’s drunk during his confessionals, which we adore, because the rest of the brides just sit around congratulating each other. During Kim’s speeches, Matthew says, “I wanted to pay attention to the speeches, but I was starving. There was no food, so instead of eating, I drank, but got hammered.” When he finally does eat, he doesn’t much care for Kim’s lasagna, pointing out that he’s Italian (and has likely had better from a mall Sbarro, since he deems all wedding food inedible). Overall, he thinks Kim’s wedding “could have been better.” After all, he did plan his own wedding, so he knows.
For actually having an opinion, criticizing free food and then summing up his experience as “Let’s face it, they’re all a lot of fun,” we honour husband-bride Matthew with the title of this week’s Head Bitch in Ceremony.
(Oh, and Kim won the honeymoon.)
![](http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https://torontolife.com/culture/four-weddings-canada-episode-4-tv-recap/&title=Four Weddings Canada, episode 4: drunk husband-bride&picture=https://torontolife.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Four-Weddings-Canada-episode-4-recap-624x451.jpg&description=[caption id="attachment_114057" align="aligncenter" width="656" caption="Jill, Julia, Kim and Steph (Image: Four Weddings Canada)"][/caption]
Four Weddings CanadaEpisode 4
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What’s a husband-bride? It’s a husband who stands in as a contestant after his wife has come down with a bit of food poisoning, an invention courtesy of Four Weddings Canada. The outcome is hilarious, and hilarity is something this week’s episode desperately needed. If the HB hadn’t been present, this edition would’ve been the most saccharine to date. Sorry, brides, but you all thought everything was lovely? Everything? And you know why you loved all of the dresses? Because you all basically had the same one. Get over yourselves. Find out why this week’s husband-bride, Matthew, was amazing and see who measured off the charts on our Bitch-O-Meter after the jump.
Jill, age 36 (Budget: $40,000)
Unfortunately, although Jill is “desperately worried about falling down the stairs,” she doesn’t. We don’t want her to actually get hurt, but it would’ve added some excitement to the ceremony. At the other ceremonies, Jill’s a nitpicker. When there’s tea, she comments, “I’m a wine drinker,” and when Ultimate Frisbee–playing bride Steph has a Frisbee at her reception, she complains, saying “There was a Frisbee. I’m not really sure what that was.” It’s a Frisbee, lady. Jill is such a keen observer that she also mistakes Chinese dragons for puppies. Oh, and she also has trouble blowing bubbles. She’s a smart cookie.
Steph, age 26 (Budget: $60,000)
Steph is a self-proclaimed “sucker for ruffles.” Okay. She stresses that Julia’s wedding reception could’ve been at “any banquet hall” and that her salad is just “a lump of green lettuce on a plate.” Apart from this somewhat subdued bitchy commentary, she’s kind of a delight. Snore.
Julia, age 25 (Budget: $25,000)
Julia has continued in the tradition of Four Weddings Canada brides who complain about the heat. Julia knocks three points off Jill’s venue score because of the heat, which we think is silly. We hope a future bride complains that there is too much oxygen, because that’s worth at least a five-point deduction. She complains about a berry garnish at a reception, stating that they look like a poisonous variety found in the woods. We laughed, because we thought the same thing. She says Steph’s wedding could use a little less colour, but other than that, she’s also very sweet. Painfully so. Bonus points: she makes her husband plan her wedding because she’s lazy.
Kim, age 24 (Budget: $22,000)
Kim’s the Charlotte York of this quartet. She spent a year and a half planning every aspect of the wedding herself, from the invitations to the centrepieces. She’s a total Pollyanna, with the insults to match: “I think I was thinking of a fancier golf course;” “the whole reception just reminded me of a cottage;” and “it seems like a typical guy’s meal.” Those really sting, Kim. Our favourite line: “I don’t normally try food.”
Matthew, age unknown (Julia’s husband)
Matt graciously steps in as a guest at Kim’s wedding when his wife comes down with food poisoning. Of course, it’s a free dinner and drinks, so it probably doesn’t take much convincing. He’s drunk during his confessionals, which we adore, because the rest of the brides just sit around congratulating each other. During Kim’s speeches, Matthew says, “I wanted to pay attention to the speeches, but I was starving. There was no food, so instead of eating, I drank, but got hammered.” When he finally does eat, he doesn’t much care for Kim’s lasagna, pointing out that he’s Italian (and has likely had better from a mall Sbarro, since he deems all wedding food inedible). Overall, he thinks Kim’s wedding “could have been better.” After all, he did plan his own wedding, so he knows.
For actually having an opinion, criticizing free food and then summing up his experience as “Let’s face it, they’re all a lot of fun,” we honour husband-bride Matthew with the title of this week’s Head Bitch in Ceremony.
(Oh, and Kim won the honeymoon.)){kind=link}
Thank god for Matthew, he was pretty funny…other than him the episode was pretty dull.
Love the fire coming out of my mouth :)
However, this article is completely misquoted and inaccurate (except the part about me being drunk!)
First rule in journalism is “get your facts straight.”
Better luck next time Kevin!
Love this show but this episode was a bit of a bore. Matthew made this episode a little less dull. I actually found him to have some charm
I really liked this episode! I really felt like they did make some new friends, and no one was so unpleasant about the weddings that the brides watching the show at home would be unnecessarily hurt. Regardless of what they signed up for, they’re still human beings with feelings. They seemed like genuinely decent people. I enjoyed that.
I’m a little confused, I admit. The author seems to hate the rude brides in previous instalments of this blog, but actually now I think he loves them simply because he’d rather tear brides apart than review the show accurately. That’s what this is about, I see now. Making fun of the people involved.
I don’t know, it just seems that the participants just can’t win with this writer. If you’re rude, he calls you a bitch. If you’re well behaved and gracious, he calls you boring. He was ruder to the brides in this article than past brides were to each other in previous episodes. At which point I have to wonder where Kevin gets his moral high ground to call out bitchiness at all. Perhaps at the end of this season’s run, Kevin himself should be proclaimed Head Bitch.
As the “Snore” bride I have a few things to say. Our episode was fun without the typical bitchyness that I know you all love and crave. I’m sure you’ll get your fill with other episodes as they come. We just all happened to be pretty chill brides who got along well.
In Matthew’s defence, taking care of a wife with food poisoning all night, working in the morning then going to a wedding you’re not prepared for takes a lot of guts and lots of red bull to get through. And although he was offered free food and drinks, sometimes when you’re tired, that’s still not really worth it. Plus, he had to deal with looks and comments from a few guests while at the wedding wondering why there was groom instead of a bride. That’s a lot to handle in a 24 hour period.
I think Matthew handled himself quite well and helped save an episode that may not have happened if he didn’t pull through.
All in all, good episode. Thank you Four Weddings Canada for highlighting four great weddings even without the claws.
Oh Kevin…you are like a bride that cannot be pleased! I thought our episode was fun and refreshing!!! Matthew was a gem…hilarious…especially since (thank you Stigy) he was running on “empty” and was dealing with some stares and awkwardness at Kim’s beautiful wedding.
As the “smart cookie” bride (sarcasm noted) I am thankful and pleased with how our episode came out…and I think Mr. Kevin should be deemed the honorary “H.B.I.C!”
PS. Thank you Jendra!
This episode was BORINGGGGGG!!!!!! So boring that there is nothing else to say!
I think if you go on this show and are not trying to out-bitch everyone, then you are not making television, you are making a scrapbook.
Kevin seems to be evaluating these scrap-booky brides using a rubric of entertainment-value and humour-at-others’-expense (what did they think they were signing up for? Free crab cakes and hugs?)
Kevin, I honour you with the title of ‘Head Bitch.’ I think you should sign up for, or do recaps of ‘Come Dine With Me Canada’ where they actually, y’know, get the whole ‘it’s television and is supposed to entertain, not tranquilize’ thing.
I WANT TO KNOW WHERE KIM GOT MARRIED! that venue was absolutely gorgeous, and she pulled off a beautiful wedding on a reasonable budget! If anyone knows the name and location of the venue please let me know!
Overall awesome episode, all 4 weddings were lovely : )
catablu:
I believe Kim’s wedding was at Legends Estates Winery in Beamsville. I’m currently planning my wedding, and this is one of the venues I’ve been considering. The reception was held at a different location, but Legends does have a couple of on-site locations for a reception there. The reception hall with the starry sky ceiling was at Club Roma. My future in-laws were recently at a wedding there, and they loved the shooting stars too!
Great episode! I didn’t think it was boring! All the weddings were so nice! Steph looked like she had the most Diverse and interesting wedding! Loved the ceiling at Kim’s! I loved Matthew! He was so funny, his wife is lucky to have him. So cute when he said she was a 10/10!
To be honest, this has got to be some of the laziest critique writing ever. As much as I love Four Weddings, I’d never watch an episode if I had to base it on this recap. The tone is too snide and about as funny as listening to a teenage girl b***h about her math teacher. (I mean cmon, Kevin – take jabs at the brides yes, but I expected them to be more clever )
Great episode and great brides, someone get a new writer for this article.
Does anyone happen to know the location of the first wedding (Jill’s wedding)? The one with the really cute cottage?
Horrible show everyone including commentator are rude and obnoxious. Will not watch again. US show at least try to show the bitches in a better life. The sarcasm of the commentator only makes it worse.
This is still my favourite episode!!! Jill is clearly a bit tipsy and is hilarious…puppy ears??? I would love to have my wedding where she had hers!! I thought Kim was low balling everyone, and it seemed to have worked for her! Steph seemed really cool and Matthew was hilarious though I don’t think it is fair that his scores counted ’cause he didn’t attend the first two weddings!!! I am going to keep watching for sure!!
I thought that this episode was a wonderful one, I loved that it really showed the possible friendships developing between the brides, and I really enjoyed all of the weddings themselves. I know that everyone may not feel the same, but half of the fun of this show is watching the brides’ wedding days unfold, not listening to the complaints and critiques. For this reason, I really enjoyed this episode and I think that everyone did a great job! For the brides, I would take it as a compliment that this article claimed that you were too sweet, it showed that you handled the entire affair with class.
I think stephanie was the winner.
You picked the wrong wedding guys.
Where did Jill have her wedding ceremony, the setting was absolutely beautiful….love it!!!!!
Please respond if you know
Thanks
Shelley
Great episode! I’m so glad Kim won. Her wedding was definitely the best.i thought Steph’s wedding was the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen especially for a budget that big. I did not get Asian fusion at all… Just a whole lot of tacky, tacky, tacky!!!
Is *natalie* Kim? because kims wedding looked like an 80s prom. She only won cuz she’s a two faced lowballer
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