Battle of the Blades finals: the good, the bad and the snuggly

Hard to believe this year’s Battle is coming to an end. There have been high highs (Georges Laraque’s devil costume), low lows (Toller Cranston’s crusty commentary) and loads of twists, turns and bare midriffs along the way. All of the BOTB pairs have worked their butts off over the past seven weeks (Kelly Chase literally so—the former fatty dropped 50 pounds during his Blades run), but in the end, there can be only one winner. So for one last time, we cast our vote for who should stay (or, in this case, win), who should go and who should get it on.

Who should win: Todd and Izzy
Of the three pairs participating in the final skate-off, these are the last two names we expected to be typing. But oh my God, did they blow the doors off the arena or what? It was like watching a series of pleather-clad firecrackers go off in quick succession. The song selection—Ram Jam’s “Black Betty,” which just happens to be one of our late-night dance party favourites—was brilliant, the program was totally inspired (judge Sandra Bezic gave them props for inventing their own moves), and the energy was off the charts. Same goes for the second skate. Both routines included moves that could have easily landed Izzy in the emergency room. But then, we already knew these guys had guts following the infamous To Wong Foo incident.

Who should go: Val and Kat
It kills us to type this. We honestly feel worse than the time Kimmy ditched DJ’s birthday party to hang out with the older mean girls. Here’s the thing: the Russians are technical masters, and as far as skating skill goes, they are miles ahead of the other two pairs. And for the record, we kinda love their confident frigidity. But this is reality TV, which means star quality and winning over the audience are just as important as skill. In both routines, Kat and Val failed to bring the va-va-voom factor. Maybe they’re tired or maybe they’re just too professional to pander, but there was something almost austere about the whole thing. And seriously, a Russian pop song? Who wants to vote for the Bond bad guys?

Who should get it on:  Patrice and Shae-Lynn
Shae-Lynn Bourne is an insanely good and exciting skater. Patrice could be a cardboard cut-out, and the pair would still be a joy to watch. And he’s not a cardboard cut-out. He’s a slightly smouldering Frenchman and probably the season’s biggest surprise threat. The pair’s final routine, set to the Black Eyed Peas, was technically excellent, fun and full of energy. It just wasn’t quite as good as Izzy and Todd. And as for the second skate, can we just ask why in the name of Orser didn’t they choose the zombie routine? If they don’t win (and we kind of suspect they will), this decision will and should come back to haunt them. Celebratory or conciliatory smooches are in order.

(All images provided by the CBC.)