Scientific proof that Toronto would be screwed in the event of a zombie apocalypse

It’s election season, and everyone is talking about public transit and jobs. Meanwhile, as usual, Toronto’s most pressing problem goes sadly unaddressed. We’re talking, of course, about zombie preparedness.

An alarming new study blog post by University of Alberta engineering graduate Michael Ross argues that, when assessed according to several zombie-survival criteria like obesity, proximity to military bases and gun ownership, Toronto ends up near the bottom of a list of Canadian cities ranked in terms of how well they would withstand an onslaught of the undead. The only municipality to fare worse than us in Ross’s analysis is Windsor. St. John’s, Regina and Edmonton top the list.

Could this be why so many zombie films are shot here? Is it all foreshadowing for our inevitable doom?

Politicians take note: there’s still plenty of time to loosen Canada’s gun laws and institute mandatory cardio sessions in all workplaces. We’ll all be tired and cranky and very well-armed, but at least we’ll be ready.