The 10 most unbelievable quotes from the past 36 hours of Rob Ford insanity, from Charlie Sheen to Kathleen Wynne

“I’ve never said that in my life to her. I’m happily married. I have more than enough to eat at home, thank you very much.”

—Rob Ford, responding to an allegation that he told a woman who is not his wife that he “wanted to eat her pussy”

“Apology NOT accepted.”

–Councillor Denzil Minnan-Wong, who has been at the vanguard of council’s efforts to oust Ford, commenting on the mayor’s apology for his “graphic remarks”

“We’re hoping that by Saturday Rob Ford, the Toronto mayor, is still a story.”

—Seth Meyers, who anchors Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” segment. Probably a safe bet, Seth.

“No one, but no one, is gonna accuse me of having escorts and doing lines at a bar.”

–Ford earlier today, on why he has decided to pursue legal action against several ex-staffers and a BierMarkt employee for what they said to police

“It was kind of like what they did to Jesus.”

—Doug Ford, describing Ford’s treatment at council yesterday as a kind of crucifixion

“You need intervention, go now. If you don’t do that by the end of the day, you have lost me.‘”

—Councillor Giorgio Mammoliti, whose on-again-off-again support of Ford is once again waning

“I have no interest in being in that house...I am not a crack user.”

—Police Board vice-chairman Michael Thompson, after Rob Ford asked how Thompsons’s could know 15 Windsor Road was a “crack house” if he had never been there

“I said it would never happen again, and it has never happened again—at the ACC.”

—Ford, who drew peals of laughter in council with his explanation of how he didn’t break his 2006 vow that his drunken outburst at the Air Canada Centre “will not be repeated”

(Images: Rob Ford, Christopher Drost; Seth Meyers, David Shankbone; Charlie Sheen, Twitter; all others: politicians’ official websites)