“Man Sues Toronto Santa Claus Parade” and other Grinchy headlines from this season of peace and joy
Sometimes the holidays bring us closer together and teach us the true meaning of giving and togetherness. Other times, they bring out the part of us that just wants to scream and scream until our family goes away. But most of the time, our holiday freakouts are kept relatively private, and we don’t inflict our bad vibes on others—except for today, when we read the following three stories in rapid succession.
• George Smitherman fined for sign violations, two months after the election
This is exactly what it sounds like. Somebody at the city decided that late December was the best possible time to hit the former deputy premier with an $8,000 fine for breaking signage rules during the election (namely, putting his placards on public property). We’re sure the ex-candidate knows his rules and punishments, but couldn’t this have waited for the new year, or at least been dealt with before eggnog went on sale?
• Man sues Toronto Santa Claus parade
The man in question seems to have been hurt by a flying chocolate bar during this year’s parade, and his injuries may be permanent, so we’re not entirely unsympathetic. But there’s not enough money in the world to have our names in a story with the words “sues Santa Claus” in it.
• Canada Post holds Christmas mail hostage, demands decorations be taken down
A Montreal woman is being told to take the Christmas garlands off the railings leading up to her house, because they put letter carriers at risk of losing a finger. We swear we didn’t make that up, even though it sounds like something the teacher told us once about keeping our arm inside the bus.
If we read many more of these headlines, we might start adding the brandy to our nog a little early today. Tis the season, right?