Dear Urban Diplomat: A rowdy Blue Jays fan is ruining my season
He kicks the back of my seat, sprays sunflower seeds and screams obscenities. How do I get him to stop?
After years of dithering, I finally splurged on Blue Jays season tickets for me and my son. We got great seats, and the renovations to the stadium are amazing. The problem is the guy behind us. He drinks too much, kicks our seats and sprays us with sunflower seeds. And he’s always bellowing nasty, inappropriate things at the opposing players. At this rate, he’s going to ruin the entire season for us. What’s the best course of action? —Pitched Battle, High Park
Trying to reason with a boozehound is like attempting to steal home with a torn ACL. Instead of jeopardizing your father-son time, I suggest you ship out. As you know, season ticket holders have a dedicated account representative. Yours can help you swap seats. Your new location may not be quite as nice, but the lower bowl has plenty of perches far beyond the blast radius of this impassioned meathead. So cut your losses, find a new dugout and play ball.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My wife celebrates our five-year-old daughter’s every tiny achievement like she’s just won a Nobel Prize. While most parents quietly shuffle their kids’ drawings from the fridge to the recycling bin, we’re collecting hers in a bound anthology. If she reads a few pages from a picture book, it’s cause for cake. I’ve heard that this parenting fad is called “marking inchstones.” How do I get my wife to quit it? One of our girl’s baby teeth has started coming loose, and at this rate, we’ll be throwing a street party when it falls out. —Daddy Issues, Richview
Celebrating mini achievements is a confidence-building concept that’s been applied to children with special needs for years. But it sounds like your wife got the inchstone memo and ran a mile with it. Sometimes just taking a beat to acknowledge these moments is enough. Talk to her about dialling back the celebrations—rather than cutting them out altogether—and sit down as a team to come up with a list that distinguishes between confetti-worthy victories and those where a high-five will more than suffice.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My recently widowed father-in-law has come to live with us. He’s a doting grandpa and pretty spry for a guy in his late 70s. But his Ford F-150 bears two of those “F!CK TRUDEAU” bumper stickers. I’m all for free expression, but I’m embarrassed to have his truck in our driveway. How do I handle this indelicate situation delicately? —Political Prisoner, Leslieville
It sounds like you want to avoid a showdown. Don’t be afraid to use your kids as leverage here. Seeing curse words every day will normalize that language, and the last thing you need is a call from the principal about your potty-mouthed kid. So explain this to your father-in-law. No doubt, he will come to his senses. As a devoted granddad, I’m sure he’d rather stick up for his babies than stick it to Trudeau.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My best friend and I have always agreed on the healing power of a $6 latte and the role of brunch in a happy life. But she’s a recent convert to those loud budgeting videos on TikTok, and she now refuses to spend money on anything she deems frivolous. Last time we went for a drink, she had a glass of water. It’s not as if she’s lost her job or hit the skids. She just seems to enjoy being sanctimonious about saving. How do I get my free-spirited, free-spending friend back? —Binge Watch, Little Portugal
It’s probably a phase, but given that the cost of living in Toronto has never been higher, a little frugality isn’t a terrible idea. I’d cut her some slack. Now that the weather is getting warmer, plan activities you can do together that won’t cost much—hikes, bike rides, street festivals, going to the beach. Maybe if you show some enthusiasm for her new austerity program instead of pooh-poohing every penny she pinches, she’ll be more willing to shell out for the occasional fancy coffee.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
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