Dear Urban Diplomat: My tenant asks me to change her lightbulbs
I do these minor tasks for her, but are they really my responsibility? And is there a polite way to suggest she learn some basic skills?
Dear Urban Diplomat, I own a house with a basement unit that I rent out. My tenant, a university student, is lovely, but she calls me for every little thing. First she asked me to come down and replace a lightbulb. I thought she was joking. Then it happened again. Now she wants me to change the clock on her stove. I do these things for her—but seriously? It feels like she’s taking advantage. Is there a polite way to suggest she learn some basic life skills? —Beyond Repair, Centennial Scarborough
Under the Residential Tenancies Act, landlords are responsible for keeping appliances in good working order, not setting clocks. But have some sympathy. Gen Z grew up in lockdowns. They’ve spent literal years on screens, so you can’t blame them for not having real-world skills. That said, the “teach a man to fish” proverb applies here. If you want her to stop asking you to perform tasks that a monkey could do, next time show her how to do it herself. She may even be grateful for the lesson.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My folks refuse to discipline my kids. I have two boys, 10 and 7, and every time I pick them up from their grandparents’ place, they run around ours like a two-man demolition crew. I just caught them pulling at the upholstery on our couch. “Oma and Opa let us do it!” is their new catchphrase. When I bring it up with my parents, they say I’m too uptight. I think they just want me to be the bad guy while they get all the hugs and macaroni necklaces. What happened to the drill sergeants who raised me? And more importantly, what should I do? —Spoiler Alert, Danforth
Being an enabler is a classic grandparent role. Treats, sweets and an overdose of TV are all to be expected. But there’s a limit. And sometimes you have to parent your parents. Be clear that certain behaviours—like carving up a couch—are unacceptable. At the same time, you should embrace the bad guy role. Reassure your folks that they can blame you for the rules they must enforce. That way, they remain the good guys and your furniture gets a much-needed reprieve.
Dear Urban Diplomat, My husband will only fly out of Billy Bishop, and it’s cramping our travel plans. I get it: the airport is a 15-minute Uber from our condo, and there’s no chaos heading through security. But he refuses to trek to Pearson even when the flights are cheaper. It’s gotten to the point where he can no longer see the value in a vacation if the adventure doesn’t start on the island. Help! —Terminal Condition, Yonge-Bay Corridor
Flying from Billy Bishop is more dignified, but a personal preference isn’t the only factor. The whole point of travel is to expand one’s horizons. Your mission is to put together a vacation plan so compelling, so affordable, so impossible from Billy Bishop that he’s forced to think bigger. If he still won’t relent, just spring for a limo to Pearson.
Dear Urban Diplomat, I’m glad Toronto reversed its inane tobogganing ban—people should be able to have good old fashioned fun—but sledders on my local hill are getting on my nerves. They’re there every Saturday after dark, leaving empties, butts and patches of torn-up turf. My kids shouldn’t have to see this stuff on their morning walk to school. I have no desire to confront these hooligans head on, nor do I want to get the cops involved—they have bigger things to deal with. Is there an effective alternative? —Downhill Battle, Palmerston–Little Italy
It sounds like you’re angling for some kind of passive-aggressive approach, which is guaranteed to have zero effect. If you don’t want the cops to step in and you won’t either, who will? You have to take a stand. Go out there one night and ask them to clean up after themselves—but maybe bring along an olive branch in the form of hot chocolate. As you said, it’s important for people in this city to have fun, so make it clear that you’re happy they’re using the hill. You may end up making some new friends.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
NEVER MISS A TORONTO LIFE STORY
Sign up for This City, our free newsletter about everything that matters right now in Toronto politics, sports, business, culture, society and more.
