Dear Urban Diplomat: I bought Yayoi Kusama tickets with my (now) ex. Who should get to keep them?

It took us a few infuriating tries, but my girlfriend and I snagged a pair of tickets to see Infinity Mirrors at the AGO. She took the time to wait in the online queue, so I paid. Trouble is, we’ve since broken up. I’ll spare you the details, but it wasn’t pretty. There’s no way we’re going together, and we won’t be able to get any more tickets. I bought the passes, so I think I should keep them; my ex argues her time was worth more than $60. Who should get them? —Tickety Split, Chinatown

I’m trying to muster sympathy for your plight, but I can’t. This is a petty squabble over tickets to an art show, not a custody battle. If catching the exhibit is that important to you, quit your hand-wringing, act like adults and go together, even if you split up as soon as you get off the elevator. It’s not like you have to hole up with one another for infinity inside one of Yayoi Kusama’s rooms once you’re there. With all the time you’re bound to spend taking selfies, you’ll barely even have to look at each other anyway. 

Dear Urban Diplomat, A friend took it upon herself to declare her new terrier an “emotional support dog,” and it follows her everywhere she goes. Our social circle is more or less cool with the pooch, but it’s clear that this service dog business is BS—she just likes having him around. Recently, a bunch of us went to lunch together on Queen East, and she got into a tiff with the host over having her pet there before insisting we all leave and boycott the establishment. The whole restaurant was staring, which was embarrassing. Plus, I like the place and fully intend to go back. What can we do about her?  
—Reign of Terrier, Leslieville

In Canada, there’s no official way to register a service animal, but your friend can’t simply decide her dog is one. Fakers make people skeptical of legitimate service animals, and pretending her pooch is a trained helper undermines those with a genuine need. If she really requires the support, encourage her to get the pup trained through an organization like Assistance Dogs International, which will ensure her furry friend is up to the task. If she’s not willing to do the administrative legwork, you can be certain she’s putting on an act—and confident enough to call her on it. 

Dear Urban Diplomat, A random Instagram follower recently slid into my DMs in response to a cute picture I posted of my cat. We exchanged a few messages about our pets, which he took as an invitation to comment on all of my posts and badger me with pictures of his boring life. Then we ran into each other on the subway, and he acted like we were friends. The whole thing gives me the creeps, even if he hasn’t said anything weird. What can I do? —Stranger Danger, Malvern

Two words: block him. You’re under no obligation to pay any mind to pictures of this oversharer’s sad desk lunches. If, for some reason I can’t fathom, you feel compelled to let him down easy, tell him that you’re uncomfortable with hearing from him so often, and ask him not to message you every day. It may feel ill-mannered to be so blunt, but what he’s doing borders on social media stalking, and hounding you for attention is already plenty rude. 


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