What we learned about burger-making from Matty Matheson’s Late Night with Seth Meyers segment

Last night, Matty Matheson—arguably Toronto’s loudest and most-tattooed chef—made an appearance on Late Night with Seth Meyers to rep his new cooking show, It’s Suppertime! During the five-minute segment, Matheson—in true form—yelled a lot, gave the censors a run for their money and ate some raw ground beef. He also made a cheeseburger.

Here are the steps to making a Matty Matheson–approved cheeseburger, just in case you don’t want to watch the whole segment (but you really should watch the whole segment). Get ready to yell:

GRIND YOUR OWN BEEF!

Matheson says the most important thing to making a cheeseburger is to grind your own beef, because store-bought ground beef is a mystery wrapped in an botulism-laced enigma. So pick up some fatty brisket or short rib and get grinding. Tip: You want to make sure your meat is half frozen when you grind it, because that makes it easier to grind. (Also important: the meat grinder is loud so you should be prepared to BE EVEN LOUDER.)

MAKE A PATTY!

Treat it like a steak, seasoning it with only salt and pepper—maybe a pinch of yelling.

PUT IT IN A CAST IRON PAN!

Don’t add oil to the pan. Your fatty patty will make its own grease.

BUTTER YOUR BUNS!

While your patty is cooking, butter some buns. Put those buns in a pan, too, butter-side down, of course. Matheson recommends using milk buns because they’re nice and smushy.

MAKE A CONDIMENT!

Mix ketchup, mayonnaise and mustard to make your very own special sauce. Throw some pickles in there, too, for some crunch and acid.

CUT AN ONION!

Dice it all up and add it to the condiment. Maybe give your patty a flip first. Now might be a good time to yell some more.

STEAM THE CHEESE!

Once your patty’s flipped, slap on a slice of good ole ’Merican cheese. Add a bit of water to the pan and then cover it to steam that cheese.

PUT THE CONDIMENT ON THE BUNS!

Slather the special sauce on each half of the toasted bun.

EAT YOUR BURGER!

Make sure it’s cooked first. Matheson’s was not. But there’s only so much you can do in five minutes.