The Bachelor Canada Recap, episode 2: How many bachelorettes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Dear Brad,

We’re guessing that the best and worst part about watching The Bachelor Canada is seeing the stuff that you weren’t present for during taping. For example: How did you feel last night when eight girls (some of whom are pushing 30) didn’t know where or even what The Big Easy is? It’s not that we think your dream girl needs to be some sort of globe-trotting PhD, but really? While marvelling over the bachelorettes’ collective ignorance of city nicknames, we came up with this joke: How many Bachelor Canada contestants does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer: A whole bunch—but just remember that Chantelle, bless her heart, doesn’t screw anything. (For the record, Brad, that is not an anti-virgin joke—we love that Chantelle is saving herself for a night of unbridled passion in the fantasy suite.)

Anyway, this is your life, we just hope you know what you’re doing. Because once again Whitney behaved like some puppy-killing witch last night, and you seem to be eating it up. You noticed that the producers have created a Jaws-style soundtrack for her when she talks to the camera, right?

We remain convinced that pretty and sane and smart Ana is the girl for you. She almost certainly knows what The Big Easy is. Plus, she showed very encouraging signs of selflessness and maturity when she pointed out that girls like her who got to go on a one-on-one date should not monopolize your time on rose night. SO TRUE!

Good call on getting rid of Melissa Marie, by the way, who was clearly not comfortable with on-camera living. We’re just wondering—did you boot her because: a) she is a Playboy model; b) she has a kid; or C) she pronounces “frustrating” as “fusterating”?

Finally, we do have to ask: What was up with cutting Stephanie the beautiful mermaid before you even had a date with her (or even spoke to her, from what we could see)? The woman is a model/neuroscientist! Is it because she’s 33? Are you looking for a woman with fewer years under her belt? It’s okay if you are. Just a bit fusterating.

—XX Your Fairy Love Mothers

(Images: CityTV)