The Bachelor Canada recap, episode 1: an open letter to a very giggly ex-football player
Dear Brad,
We know that finding love isn’t easy. If it were, The Bachelor Canada wouldn’t exist. Except that it probably would—we’re pretty sure that when the entire planet is annihilated in a nuclear holocaust, the only two things that survive will be cockroaches and The Bachelor franchise. Anyway, Brad, point is that love don’t come easy, so we’re here to help you navigate those choppy waters, every week. And by choppy waters, we mean the pack of bat-dung-crazy women who are throwing themselves at you like pencil shavings on a magnet.
Let’s discuss those ladies, shall we? Staring with Mindy. Oh, Mindy. The Rocky Mountain outdoorswoman who dares to wear hiking boots under her ball gown on opening night. Good for you for maintaining your gentlemanly composure when you caught a glimpse of those woolly Mark’s Work Wearhouse socks (we’re not sure we could’ve done the same). Speaking of fashion, we assume “nice dress” is sort of your default line when you can’t figure out what else to say during those oh-so-awkward first meetings? You’re a sharp-dressed guy, Brad—there’s no way you actually think Tina’s candy striper costume and Bubba’s demonic Betty Boop ensemble are “nice” (at least, we hope not). On the plus side, we love how positive you were (you are by far the giggliest guy in Bachelor history, although you might also be the most prone to tears), and how you’re not afraid to tell a prospective sex partner to “Take it easy, eh.”
We know you’re tired (you had to cut nine women last night!) and this is a lot to process, but let’s finish by discussing the black widow in the room. And don’t pretend you don’t know who we’re talking about. Whitney is trouble with a capital B, if you catch our drift. You’re obviously blinded by her bizarre lip purse/eye squint expression, whisper voice and cement breast situation—but trust us when we say she’ll eat you alive.
That’s it for now. We’ll be checking in with you next week after you withhold your roses from another four potential soulmates. Good call on getting the extra rose and keeping Ana, by the way—if we were a buff, 29-year-old ex-CFL player from Hudson, Quebec, she would totally be our pick too.
—XX Your Fairy Love Mothers
(Images: CityTV)
. Speaking of fashion, we assume “nice dress” is sort of your default line when you can’t figure out what else to say during those oh-so-awkward first meetings? You’re a sharp-dressed guy, Brad—there’s no way you actually think Tina’s candy striper costume and Bubba’s demonic Betty Boop ensemble are “nice” (at least, we hope not). On the plus side, we love how positive you were (you are by far the giggliest guy in Bachelor history, although you might also be the most prone to tears), and how you’re not afraid to tell a prospective sex partner to “Take it easy, eh.”
We know you’re tired (you had to cut nine women last night!) and this is a lot to process, but let’s finish by discussing the black widow in the room. And don’t pretend you don’t know who we’re talking about. Whitney is trouble with a capital B, if you catch our drift. You’re obviously blinded by her bizarre lip purse/eye squint expression, whisper voice and cement breast situation—but trust us when we say she’ll eat you alive.
That’s it for now. We’ll be checking in with you next week after you withhold your roses from another four potential soulmates. Good call on getting the extra rose and keeping Ana, by the way—if we were a buff, 29-year-old ex-CFL player from Hudson, Quebec, she would totally be our pick too.
—XX Your Fairy Love Mothers
(Images: CityTV)){kind=link}
I’m starting to think the Producers have a say in which girls he keeps around. There is no way he would keep Gabrielle around over some of the girls he had to let go.
As a Calgarian who has met and had the unfortunate opportunity to get to know Whitney personally – I feel compelled to shout out “STAY AWAY FROM THAT B*TC*”!!! She is as horrible and two faced as they come. It disappoints me that she will be giving the world the wrong impression of a Canadian girl.
He got rid of the least attractive ones.
I agree about Gabrielle. She was kept only for a little drama. That girl was a downright bully last night even if Whitney is not a great person.
So true about Gabrielle being a producer’s pick. That happens every season. The bachelor or bachelorette ALWAYS picks the person that is stirring up trouble, or keeps the two contestants that are having issues. Usually they hang around for the the first few shows. Not only did Gabrielle insult the girls, she insulted Brad. I wonder if the first impression rose is a producer’s pick as well. That person is set up to be picked on by the other contestants. Gabrielle had a huge producer’s pick stamped on her forehead from the get go! (-;
I agree with McDuck in regards to keeping on Gabrielle is simply for drama purposes. She is an attractive girl but she appears to be very rude. It is not the type of girl you would want to take home to meet your family. I think Whitney is also very beautiful but her claws will come to surface soon. I personally think Chantelle is sweet and very natural and I really liked Tracey D, who was voted off. Tracey was assertive but not pushy when she confronted Gabrielle outside to get time with Brad. I think Brad is very handsome but probably is seeing the outside beauty for now.
Gaberial, do not look like a fool and make the folks in Oakville,Ontario, look bad…be classy, be like you want to be there to find true love..act like a lady..be confident and not cocky…you could do better. Girls in Oakville, do not act like the way you do. change or get off the show..
Guys, if he was being forced to keep people for drama, don’t you think BUBA would have stuck around for a bit longer. Gabrielle has nice hair and likes to show boob. I think it’s as simple as that.
Let’s hear it for all the natural blondes and black contestants!
May I mentioned how embarassed I am to be Canadian tonight? Not only for the contestants but for the producers of the show. Nevermind it’s a complete rip off (yet another) successful show in the US but the editing was horrific and the voice overs…really…?? You can totally tell when it’s pre-recorded material voiced over the scene. Most notably when he’s talking to the group of girls all at once, it never shows him actually saying the words so either the editing group are high school temps, or Brad is a complete moron and has no idea how to speak to a group of women.
All that said ill still watch and continue to be embarassed to be Canadian thanks to this show.
Great article Courtney! Looking forward to the weeks to come!!
I can’t find a display of cast members anywhere. I’m guessing the purple squares mean they didn’t get past the first episode? If that’s the case, he only missed 10 ugly ones. There’s only 4.5 attractive women in the crowd. He got rid of one with 0.8 looks, Tracy D. Now it’s time to watch this episode and see how bats*** crazy these women are.
“October 4, 2012 at 8:37 pm | by Embarassed 2 B Canadian”
No seriously, DON’T continue watching. Nobody wants to hear your ’embarassed to be canadian,’ calling people ‘morons,’ ‘high school temps editting the program,’ ‘doesn’t know how to speak to women.’ We get it. You have gay sex and need to try to upset as many people as possible through flagrant disrespect. Then you tell us how you’re trolling or ‘expanding people’s horizons’ to your sexual preference.
Have some respect for the things you put in your butt, limit your mouth to things you truly have to say and regain some control over your personal life.
10/10 [Britany] nurse, [Tracy], [Nicole]
9.8/10 [Ana] Romanian girl
8/10 The [Kim Kardassian replacement], [Sandy] makeup artist
6.5/10 [Clarice]- cute but airhead. One of the few Asian choices for some reason. [The boxer]
5/10 [Stephanie]- score would be higher if she didn’t throw sleeping dust everywhere. [Tia]- her personality is a perfect 10, but her protruding chin jawline doesn’t allow room for men with square or V jawline moms to find attraction in her.
4.1/10 The Kara softball player, but it wouldn’t be a lasting relationship because some guy who actually finds her attractive would be a better suit
I don’t have many positive things to say about the remaining girls so good luck to them!
Overall, this season’s Bachelor pool is valued at 93.3/250 or 37%. That makes for at least 9 legit contestants. I’ll watch this season until he gets rid of the frontrunners.
So far he got rid of the stripper, The 6.5 Asian, the girl who mumbles and likes shopping (Two massive issues), the Lions Coordinator who shares the football interest with him (Thank goodness, she has nothing going for her), the girl who runs around with guns and fights bears, the unattractive with abrasive personality and raspy voice, the 2.5 lawyer, Oh wow he cut the 8 makeup artist already, Tracy 10.
All that’s left is Britany 10, Nicole 10, Ana 9.8, Bianka 8, Whitney 6.5, Stephanie 5, Tia 5, Kara 4.1
Who was this article written by? Yeah, our “Fairy Lovemothers.” Mindy deserves no recognition. She’s obviously a sideshow. Tina’s listed as a 2.5. I’m about to watch this episode, but I base my judgement as a partner in a relationship. Not what she wore during an episode for a contest.
Whitney the boxer and what you call her ‘squinty eyes’ doesn’t cast insecurity into my soul. From what I’ve seen in her interview, I can handle her and I like her fighting spirit. If you think fake boobs grant her that bone chilling of an advantage in the social world, why dont you get your own? I haven’t seen them yet. I don’t know how bad they are. I’m looking at the person inside each of these contestants, rather than what’s strapped to their chest.
Ana I list at 9.8 because she doesn’t deserve the full 10. I can’t tell what depth she has. She has her Shakira thing carrying her, but she might unravel when she’s put against competitions that test her character.
My perfect 10s are Brit with the squeaky voice that’s usually a turnoff, but she somehow manages to stealth it. Tracy who is RIP’ed already, is probably who I’d approach first. I’d find a genuine connection with her. Nicole D is obviously arm candy for a billionaire. I’d want to keep her around just to see what she has to say, but I’d have to develop a relationship for her to have a legit chance.
I think it’s unfair for a bunch of females sitting around telling viewers what to like and not to like, is it not? Some of us have man parts and will be breeding males in our future. Some of us hook up with women, have interest in them, and spend more time thinking about the subject than writing up a few articles because a new Bachelor show is under production.
Oh and by the way, LOL when Chantelle whipped out the bible during the first episode. You could see the Bachelor jumping out of his skin. If she were limited to nothing more than a bubbly, cozy type of girl, she might score a 4.5. The moment she opens up about how she’s a pastor, 80-95% of all males throw up the ‘crazy’ wall. Even those who subscribe to all that.
It looks as if there will be drama in this season. My guess is it will be the boxer girl, or I should start calling her Whitney because she’s becoming a legit player in the game. She’ll realise that this is about getting hooked up, instead of winning a game. She hasn’t let many of her emotions show, which I’d be able to detect as few as she would have being a boxer.
Shakira, or Ana, still has a firm chance after the first episode. The billionaire arm candy, Nicole’s, stock went down. It’s very easy to see through her. She does have nice green eyes though. I think our Bachelor will be knocked around by her a bit before she leaves.
I don’t see him falling for Melissa. She would be acceptable as a so-so looking female with a decent enough ‘get at em’ personality, but the moment she reveals she does playboy spreads it becomes not worth it.
Gabrielle is way too crazy to even gain support for her crusades among the cast members. Britany’s going to continue killing with her personality.
The ones I haven’t mentioned, I just don’t see worth mentioning. Bianka will have to open up about Kris Humphries, that will make a funny 10 seconds sometime in a future episode. Kara will win a few physical competitions if that’s the format they’re going for this season, then leave because she has better things to do with her time.
I mean, both Lauras draw a massive blank. They don’t spark any interest, they weren’t competing factors. Michelle B will be gone the moment she lets her quirkyness come out. Michelle V will only be around to make the guy feel comfortable, but there’s no way he’d take her for a wife. He could go to his local grocery store and find the same type of woman. Sophie blank, Tia blank, Stephanie blank. Tia’s going to have to get over her stage fright and show him her personality eventually.
Hey Tom K,
Using homophobic slurs?? Really?? You seem a little too into this show for the average male buddy. Do yourself a favor, open the door to the closet and step out yourself. Look at the past 3 replies (yes 3) and seriously question your own sexuality. I’ll be forced to watch this again next week, with my girlfriend.
Keep it real “Tommy” the Bachelor Canada Reviewer, lol
whitney daymn shes pretty but she is 2 faced trust me i’ve met her…
Whitney with her eyes squinting, sneering, constant look of confusion, pursed lips…yah real hot…
Brad is a gentleman and very likeable. I would date him. However, I am disappointed in the choice of females that were chosen for the show. It gives Canada a bad name to have some of these less than appealing “ladies” represent us as they do not. These women are worse than the ladies on the American show. So far, I haven’t been real impressed by anyone, but not to worry. Brad, as he already has stated, can’t seem to settle down with anyone (although he would like to) but he won’t until well into his forties. If he does get married, it won’t be one of the these bitches on the show, that’s for sure. Stay tuned…