#TorontoIsFailingMe: I moved to Mississauga to get away from gang life
Rajeev Sathiyaseelan, 26
Wexford
I was born in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, in 1988. My mother moved to Canada a year later, and my father followed soon after. But they left me in Jaffna with my maternal grandparents until 1991, when they were able to bring us all to Toronto. We lived in a three-bedroom townhouse in Rexdale with my mother’s family. There were seven of us in the house—and I shared a room with my parents. My brother was born in 1993.
My dad never got along with my mother’s family, and in 2002, we finally moved to our own place at Victoria Park and Lawrence. Still, my parents split up soon after, and everything became harder. I was living with my mother and brother; my father was completely out of the picture. My mother started working four jobs just to pay rent. She worked in the food court in Scarborough’s Parkway Mall and various packing jobs in factories. For a while she worked in a strip of townhomes, mopping the hallways after midnight. She didn’t have a car or money for the TTC, so she’d ride a bike to work, even in winter. She tried to give us a typical Canadian life. She would take me and my brother to the movies, and to save money she’d wait outside. She’d bring us food back from the places she worked, and that was dinner. She got welfare, visited food banks and bought second-hand toys for us at the Goodwill. She did whatever she could.
I hung out with guys who were four or five years older than me at Wexford Collegiate. Some of them were in gangs or knew guys who were in gangs. These guys had cars, money, girls—I wanted to be like that. Our gang would get into fights with gangs from other parts of the city. If we saw a guy from another gang in our neighbourhood, we would rush him with bats or beer bottles, and if they saw someone from our crew, same thing.
I broke into cars to steal whatever was hidden in the glove compartment and was arrested three times. I got lucky: I was charged as a young offender but given community service, no jail time. My mom was in and out of courts, bailing me out, putting up money I knew she didn’t have. We had a lot of arguments. I thought she was just being mean; I felt like she didn’t understand what I was going through and what I wanted from life. Of course, I didn’t think about what she was going through—she had escaped a war-torn island so that her kids could go to university.
In 2008, when I was 17, my mom and brother and I moved in with my uncle and his family in Mississauga, near Square One. My mom was trying to get me away from the gangs and the people she thought were a bad influence. My uncles had come here as teenagers, so they knew what it was like to be a young male growing up. I started connecting with my family, my musical roots. One of my uncles is a drummer, another is a singer. One of them bought me a mike and production software. I began recording myself, singing about my life, and completed a film and TV production diploma at the Trebas Institute.
I set up my own independent label, Freedom Records Entertainment, but my music flopped and I became severely depressed. I saw other guys with degrees and suits and nice jobs. I’d just wake up, turn on the TV and sit there. I had always been obsessed with Tamil movies and Tamil popular music. I decided I needed to go to Chennai, home to the Tamil film industry, to find inspiration. My mom saw the mess I was in, and saved up to buy me a plane ticket. I lived in Chennai for a month and a half. I hustled hard and ended up working for some Tamil film music composers, rapping and singing on 14 movie soundtracks.
I was getting work but only making enough to pay rent. The Ontario government was demanding I pay back my OSAP loans, and I had multiple creditors calling about my credit card debts. All in all, I think I owed around $30,000. So I flew back and moved in with my mom. I got hired as an administrator at Core Logistics, which handles imports and exports. I’m working full-time and still live with my mom. I recently sent her on a vacation to Cuba, the first time she’s gone anywhere since moving to Canada. In my spare time I make music as Tha Prophecy—I’ve built a recording booth in a closet. It seems far off, but I still dream of making it big as a rapper.
—as told to Aparita Bhandari
Being a rapper is really cool. I just wish there was another prototype that disadvantaged kids would look up to. It’s not fair that middle class feel successful with whatever they want, it just seems that the less advantaged kids are either successful rappers or they aren’t anything.
I’m glad he’s back on his feet after the ups and downs but this sounds to me like his own doing rather than “Toronto is failing me.” More like #ImFailingToronto
I live near one of the most dangerous areas in Toronto and have never had anything happen to me. Why? Because I surrounded myself with positive people. People who wouldn’t attract violence. Most of these posts are a reach.
It’s closed minded to assume that someone else would or should have the same life as you. Everyone is different and responds differently to things. People always act like they know something about other people, the way they experience things, and the lives they lead, based on their own personal, and completely arbitrary experiences, and opinions.
Answer me this: do you believe that Toronto is failing him?
This kid to me sounds like he thinks the world owes him his life. His complaint about the government asking him to pay out his loans. Well no shit, you owe money you gotta pay it.
Please move back to sri lanka my friend . All the suburbs are infested with these indians , sri lankens and pakis , theres wayy too much of them and we need to put a end to this , most stay on welfare and have 4-6 families living under 1 roof , dirty people , never shower and have an awful odor .
Toronto is failing single mothers, those affected by gang violence and those who are of low income status. So yes Toronto is failing him and his family.
Dear Toronto Life,
Thank you for giving Torontonians a platform on which to share their stories. Please continue with the segment.
Not only do the stories show a perspective on life many don’t see or understand, the comments on the articles provide the opportunity to see a side of Toronto that is commonly thought non-existent.
Racism and classism exists. It’s is very much alive and well in our city and communities.
Yes, there are many variables at play in this article. But the unwillingness to understand, and the hatred I see in these comments… It hurts.
Everyone has a dream. We all want the opportunity to chase it. We all make mistakes, and learn. The system we’re in, this divide. It’s not making it any easier.
Truth is some people love blaming others for their own shortcomings. This isn’t any different.
Dear John please move back into the white trash little rat hole you came from. Your racist mind doesn’t belong here with the rest of modern civilization.
Immigrant minorities ruin a (part) of the city, and then blame the city for being a downer?
Forget the dream of being a famous rapper. Get a real job and contribute something meaningful to Canada. Some people are so unrealistic. Most people work boring jobs and practice their passion for free at home.
What is modern about said lifestyle? About what these people do? Forget about whites, do the natives behave like this?
Dear John. Move back to england this isn’t your country either. Everyone is seeking salvage on a land that belongs to aboriginals. And your a close minded fool. And yes maybe some brown people smell like curry. But while I’m on the TTC some white guys stink like BO, common guys take a shower. And also I don’t get how u wipe the shit off your ass, go wash you ass. Stay clean and hyegenic.
This isnt the white mans country ? WHO BUILT THIS AMAZING COUNTRY ?
The White man built Europe and America and these are the Greatest places to live on earth !!!
America had aboriginals , place here had nothing , then White people came and then turned this land to something Amazing .
Now kumar , lets look at the land that indian / paki / south asian men built , look how shit that land looks . NO ONE would want to live in your country , its pure shit . That place is the shit hole of the world , poorest countries are those where mostly brown people live like pakistan , its nice to immigrate to the land that a white man built and enjoy all what comes with it ??
Go back to your shit hole country and try building it up , I also heard that u indians / pakis , whatever u are – whipe ur a ss with ur left hand after u take a shit because u people cant afford paper towels . LMFAO
Modern civilization ? LMFAO , look at those brown people how civilized they are , they cut ur head off if u draw a cartoon , they beat their women for fun , they whipe they a ss with their hands after a dump , they eat with their hands , they dont shower .
U really wants these people up in Canada?? theres already too much of them and we should start deporting the useless ones out .
5-6 indian famalies living together under 1 roof , munching on curry all day long and nenver showering .
You’re under the assumption that all Brown people act like this. Let me educate you and you might find it surprising. Not every brown person is involved a gang and not everyone practices poor hygiene or smell like curry. To assume so shows your level of Ignorance because I’m pretty sure your only knowledge of brown people comes from what is portrayed in media .
Your level of stupidity and ignorance is truly amazing. It’s a waste of energy to educate you. Fyi this country was built on the backs of immigrants for the white man. So no the white man didn’t build this country. To say anything else about your ignorance is just a time waste on my part . I suggest you read up on Canadian history the uncensored version.
I was actually going to write up a long ass response on how such an uneducated fool this man is – but you are absolutely correct! there would actually be no point because some people will not change their views even when you present them with contradicting evidence!
If white build everything then why the fuck it’s says made in China and India
I can respect the hardships and barriers this man has faced in his life. And yes, we should be doing more to support the most vulnerable within our populations. Yet, I’ve heard Tha Prophecy’s music and find that some of his lyrics perpetuate norms of gender-based violence and aggression (Tha Prophecy – What They Call Me). If you really want a better Toronto, be part of the solution, don’t add to the problem. By all means continue turning your life around, but do so as a positive role model and be mindful of the kind of messages you yourself are sending out with your music.
Hey John,
it really saddens me to see that the modern world is still inhabited by such close minded imbeciles like you. The colour of your skin should never determine how far you can go in life and how much you can succeed. This country is run by immigrants or your so called “pakis and indians” as you refer to it and regardless nobody was a direct descendent of the Americas. We all at some point even if it was 2 or 3 generations ago came here to seek a better life. So grow up and respect our nation and the beauty of what multiculturalism can bring.
Hey John,
it really saddens me to see that the modern world is still inhabited by such close minded imbeciles like you. The colour of your skin should never determine how far you can go in life and how much you can succeed. This country is run by immigrants or your so called “pakis and indians” as you refer to it and regardless nobody was a direct descendent of the Americas. We all at some point even if it was 2 or 3 generations ago came here to seek a better life. So grow up and respect our nation and the beauty of what multiculturalism can bring.
I went to school with this sad piece of work. Grew up in the same neighbourhood although my family moved to Canada much later and we were much poorer. When I was wearing no name brand shoes, he wore Air Jordans and Tims. When I was still learning how to speak English, he was busy being a thug, and trying to be cool. Currently I am a well paid and would like to believe a respected professional in my industry while this thug is trying to get his life together.
Moral of story, stay in school and you will go much further in life.
I can’t figure out how TORONTO failed this man. He did all this to himself. He himself locked his destiny down when he chose to run after Money, Violence & Girls instead of investing his time for a proper future. I think it serves him quite right! Time to experience what his MOTHER went through so that he COULD have had a bright future!
This sums it up quite nicely.
He sounds like a prick who was had a lot given to him but wanted more, the easy way. A mother who sacrificed to give him things, feed him and make sure there were clothes on his back, a city that gave his family welfare and food from a food bank but that wasn’t enough, he decided to steal from cars. Getting caught three times no less.and making his mother miss work to attend court with him. Then he gets snitty because the government wants the money they lent him to get an education back. Ohhh poor baby.
I grew up in Scarborough too. There were gangs and I knew people that were in gangs; on occasion I was asked to join those gangs. I knew people who would break in to places or steal cars. But guess what, I’ve never been a member of a gang, broke into a house or car all because of personal decisions. My parents worked too hard for me to screw it up. I guess that’s the difference between me and Rajeev: pride. I’m proud of how hard my parents had to work to provide for me, i want them to be proud of me as well.
Rajeev, Toronto didn’t fail you, you failed Toronto. You failed your parents. You failed your culture. Man up and take responsibility for your actions.
This is hilarious! How misguided are you buddy? Do the world a favor and get a vasectomy so we end the bigotry with you.
This was an interesting read and I empathize with Rajeev for the hardships he had faced. I too grew up within a low income family. On rainy days, I’m reminded of the times I carefully placed my steps on the pavement to prevent rain water from seeping through the hole in my shoe. I remember having to share my clothes with my siblings, waking up to
cockroaches crawling over me and running away from the neighborhood kids who abused me due to my social class. Although life was hard I used the resources
provided within the city to overcome those challenges. I used public libraries,
extra sessions with the teachers, and got help from anyone willing to teach me
for free.
I’m wouldn’t say that i’m incredibly intelligent but I worked hard to get where I am now. I’ll be hitting 30 soon, and i am just shy of hitting that 6 figure salary. The reason I’m sharing this is because far too often I hear that the system doesn’t work. People are always quick to blame society for their flaws. The system does work; but its up to you to work with it.
Well said, Tough times don’t last , tough people do
LOL clearly John is not getting enough sex, his frustration is showing in his stupidity. YEAH WHITE MAN WORLD THAT JOHN AND HIS FUCKED UP FAMILY “BUILT”. hahahahaha go kill your self John.
Rajeev, this was one of the most heartfelt things I’ve read in a long time. I too was in your position at your age. Now I’m making an honest living, with a loving family. Don’t sell yourself short, you’ve made songs that went mainstream. Something many Canadians can only dream of doing. Everyone makes mistakes, that we’re only human. Keep in mind you’re on 26 and not 46. Malcolm X at your age was a street hustler named Detroit Red.
So Work hard like you’re doing now and you will definitely go far. Best of luck!
Why is this called #TorontoIsFailingMe? The so called sad stories I keep reading here are ones’ own making. Here is why Toronto has NOT failed me. I moved to Scarborough with my family in 1987. I was 7 years old at the time. My parents came here with very little money and worked hard at multiple jobs. They worked late and my two older sisters used to have part time jobs selling flowers by the road side to help pay the bills. We never wore brand name clothing. The best thing my parents taught me was to love my family and appreciate what I had. My parents made sure we had a proper education and never let us stray off course. I was never aloud to have a thugged out hair cut or an ear ring. Although it seemed unfair at the time I now realize why my parents were so strict. They wanted to make sure I didn’t get influenced by the wrong crowd. Although my ethnicity is Sri Lankan Tamil, I have pretty much grown up in Toronto and call this place my true home. Toronto has not failed me or my family one bit. The city gave my parents the opportunity to work hard and make an honest living for us. In return my sisters and I worked hard to make our parents proud. We made many friends in Toronto who came from simple families who worked hard and wanted hoped for a successful future. I am honoured to call myself a product of Toronto. I now work as a doctor and feel blessed to serve the city and country which has given us so much. We really need to stop glorifying the failures who blame Toronto for their unfortunate circumstances. Many of Toronto’s so called failures are a results of poor parenting, poor family connections, elevated egos and a lack of willingness to work hard. Toronto has definitely not failed me!
I actually read them and think they’re insulting to immigrants and minorities.
I’ve read about people who’ve moved to this country from lands of strife, worked hard and provided their family with advantages only available in a city in a city like Toronto. Some have done well and earned degrees and found a level of happiness in the city, some have failed poorly and become a blight on our city.
Though in all the stories I’ve read, I just can’t see someone getting treated better in another city.
Ya, maybe Toronto isn’t perfect. But the fact that you could come hear with nothing and end up providing your kids with advantages not available elsewhere has to count for something.
Toronto is also failing this family by having such high
public transpiration ticket rates; you are not able to go to the grocery store
and come back with the one $3.00 fare, whereas in York Region transit (though
the prices are ridiculously high), you are able to use the tickets on any
YRT/VIVA transits within a 2 hour period of time. The aspect of only allowing
customers to commute in a one way continuous trip is ridiculous – let customers
use it on any TTC transports within 2 hour time span!
Presto is another issue, those who use YRT and need to transfer buses such as
at Dufferin Road, need to pay an extra fare since TTC buses are doing the
routes without Presto as a method of payment. For that extra $4.00, you are
given bad service; busses are almost never on time… not to mention bad
customer service and it’s dirtier than YRT/VIVA busses.
I’m not sure if the title should be”How Toronto has failed me”. A city that fails you doesnt provide you with education, welfare, foodbank etc. Most immigrants from Toronto have parents who work around the clock, just to provide for their family and provide a better future for their children. I personally have seen my parents work day and night, which has really pushed me to do the same and work part time and go to school. The money I received from working part time not only helped with paying for bills but also my university education. Watching my parents work day and night has really inspired me to work hard and do make them proud. You really need to find something to inspire you and push you, and find reasons to be happy withh your life and have a plan. A positive outlook and a life class can really help you get where you want to be, and honestly never feel sorry for yourself! Toronto owes you nothing, but you owe Toronto everything. Start giving back to your community and gain a self of pride! This has nothing to do with career, work, money, but everything to do with your mindset!
Once you get your mind on track, and you still think Toronto has failed you, than do something about it and make a change for the next generation!
Nothing ever came good from, America and modern civilization. There is a shit load of pollution, extinction, warfare, toxic gmo food and poverty. Man kind as a collective is destroying themselves. You can play the blame game but in my eyes, you’re just dumbass who can’t see the big picture. Since when did money guarantee happiness? Money is a imaginary number only worth something if you believe it is. I can talk all day, but I have a life to attend to. Pce.
I agree with what you say.
See @Dee’s comment for my gripe.
No one should be working around the clock to just make ends meet. It’s not a positive thing any way you spin it.
I think this article is poorly written and is giving readers the wrong impression. I think he knows that he messed up, especially committing these crimes to be in a part of a gang. These gangs are just a bunch of kids who lost their way. I feel like what he is trying to say is that he lost sight of the bigger picture, and was blinded by this temporary sense of toughness or “acceptance”. I saw a comment here of someone who called him a “sad piece of work”. I don’t think its fair to call him that. I also don’t think its fair for people to compare their life to this persons. Growing up, I saw many kids with all the latest shoes and technology, and I was always a step behind. Not every kid from a poor family understands what their parents go through to keep their child happy. Some kids are just not happy with the maximum their parents can give. Kids will always be kids. They have infinite desires covered by jealousy, especially when they see other kids. Of course, there are a few kids who do understand at such a young age, and act accordingly. But most just look at the “cooler” and wealthier kids and wish to be like them. The person in this article obviously realizes that he took the wrong path. He has come back to Canada to make money to repay the Government, and is helping his mom out as much as he can.. I don’t think he is complaining about paying back a loan that helped him through school. He has a long way to go, but for him, moving out of Toronto has helped him a lot. I wouldn’t blame Toronto per say, but the only way to leave a bad situation is to actually LEAVE the situation. There are many instances of gangs recruiting youth with promises of false wealth, and once you’re in one, the only way you can get out is by moving away. I am just saying, maybe people shouldn’t bash this man, and should just see the positive changes that he has made. I understand everyone has their own opinion, but imagine if the person in this article read all your comments. I’m sure he would be discouraged. Not everyone is perfect, nor should you expect anyone to be.
Best wishes to you in the future Rajeev.
Adults take personal responsibility for their life and make the best out of their circumstances weather or not they deserve it. The world doesn’t owe you shit everyone has problems it’s up to the individual to solve thier own. Only from that can they find inner peace and happiness. Life isn’t fair figure that out and that’s the 1st step to inner peace and happiness
Surely the term “white trash” is racist. And nasty. No humans are garbage. Not even white ones.
What I don’t get is, if you really don’t have money, why is your family in Toronto? There are many places in Canada that has much cheaper cost of living and work opportunities that are much larger than that shithole. What’s more is you get to live the Canadian way of life you desire. Your family won’t have to work as hard just to pay the rent and you probably don’t have to go around breaking into cars to feed your family.
Very uplifting story; wishing you more strength, and continued success.
So a criminal runs up 30 grand in debt and it’s the CITY that fails him? Talk about avoiding personal responsibility.