PETA is offering to stockpile Viagra for Bo Bichette
Oh to be an ethically treated fly on the wall in PETA’s marketing meetings
It’s that time of the week when we refresh our Google searches of “Bo Bichette” to see if he’s any closer to signing with the Toronto Blue Jays and subsequently winning the next World Series. Still no contract news, unfortunately, but we did find something else.
Last week, Bichette was offered all-he-can-eat steak for life from Animl, the King West steakhouse, in exchange for re-signing with the Jays. The very thought of that much meat must have wafted over to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals office, because the animal rights group has chimed in with an add-on.
Related: Toronto is on Bo Bichette watch
“PETA is ready to help the star shortstop prepare for a bit of a slump, should he accept the beef bribe, offering to provide Bichette with a lifetime supply of Viagra—since eating artery-clogging meat can lead to striking out in the bedroom,” said a media release published yesterday. (Baseball term emphasis theirs.)
It goes on to explain that a person eating lots of steak forever would not only go against the organization’s principles but would affect the consumer’s quality of life. The idea is that, if Bichette takes the steak, he will also need large quantities of Viagra.
“A steak a day will undoubtedly keep the erections away, as cholesterol-packed meaty meals are known to slow the flow of blood to all the body’s organs,” PETA’s president, Tracy Reiman, said in the media release. “PETA is encouraging Bichette to reject this steakhouse’s cow-killing kickback and reminds everyone that eating vegan can mean the difference between sizzling and fizzling in the bedroom.”
PETA is always doing the absolute most, so this cheeky gag is no surprise. But what if Bichette says yes? Are they prepared to follow through? That’s none of our business, and we’re going to stop talking about it now. Just buy your Viagra from a reliable source, whatever you do.
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Carly Lewis is a journalist whose work has appeared in the New York Times and the New York Times Magazine, Vanity Fair, Wired, Interview Magazine, Pitchfork, Elle, and Maclean’s, where she is a contributing editor. Her work has been recognized by the National Magazine Awards and the Digital Publishing Awards. She reports on city life, culture—including what people do online—politics, art and crime. She received the Dave Greber Freelance Writers Award for “The Murder of Ashley Wadsworth,” an investigative feature about a Canadian teenager who was killed by a man she met on social media, published by Maclean’s.
