Dear Urban Diplomat: My friends rented a Cybertruck for our cross-Canada road trip
Even before the trade war and the Tesla founder’s unholy alliance with Donald Trump, I’d have been mortified to be seen in one of Elon Musk’s hulking metallic lemons. How should I break it to my friends?
Dear Urban Diplomat, For years, my friends and I have been talking about doing a blowout road trip across Canada. It’s finally happening, and our group chat has been buzzing with mentions of national parks and landmarks to visit. But, instead of renting a van, as I’d assumed they would, these doofuses got a Cybertruck. They’re not Elon Musk sycophants or MAGA types—they just think the thing “looks badass.” But people across the country are vandalizing Cybertrucks on account of the ongoing trade war, and I refuse to be seen in one. How do I broach the subject without starting a fight? —Electric Circus, Corktown
Subjecting yourself to a cross-country tour of ridicule sounds like a nightmare. If you can weasel your way out of the trip, do it. But you did say that you’ve been planning this adventure for years, and to ditch it altogether would leave you with FOMO at best and bitter regret at worst. If your friends are unmoved by global politics, economic warfare or threats of annexation, you could try pointing out that Cybertrucks had seven recalls in 2024 or sending a selection of the many videos where they break down minutes after rolling off the lot. And if they’re still not swayed, offer to cover the rental cancellation fee as well as the trip’s first round of beers.
Related: Inside the Ontario years of Elon Musk
Dear Urban Diplomat, My boyfriend and I are best friends with another couple. We hit up a lot of events, and I often cover their tickets. I’m happy to. They don’t make as much as us, and we always have fun together. My issue: whenever we take a selfie, they crop my partner and me out on Instagram as if they’re on a date night. We just went to a Sceptres game, and it happened again—when I got home, I saw a photo of them captioned, “We love you, Sarah!” with nothing but my right shoulder on the edge of the frame. I paid for them to be there! Am I within my rights to call them out for being rude? —Cutting Remarks, Broadview North
In a word, no. Buying tickets for someone earns you a “thanks,” but it doesn’t grant you a spot on their Instagram grid. The whims behind other people’s social media curation may be mystifying, but they’re not your concern. Next time they start angling for a selfie, offer to take a portrait of the two of them instead. That way you’ll never come upon your disembodied parts in one of their date-night posts.
My boss insists on everyone being in the office three days a week. I don’t mind, except he keeps coming up with excuses for why he can’t be there himself. One day, his dog walker cancelled. Then he had an “important delivery” at home. Last week, he had “too many calls booked,” and our open seating plan makes it “just too loud.” I like the camaraderie of in-person work, but his blatant hypocrisy annoys me. Should I get over it or start polishing my resumé? —Disgruntled Desk Jockey, Maple Leaf
You should always keep your resumé polished, but this isn’t a good reason to start job hunting. We’re coming up on four years of return-to-office wars, and it sounds like you’re a willing soldier. My advice? If your job works for you otherwise, let your boss’s hypocrisy go. You can vent by making fun of his flimsy excuses behind his back on the days when he doesn’t show.
Dear Urban Diplomat, I’ve been in my apartment for six months, and I’m still getting mail from someone who used to live here. A lot of it is coming from the other side of the planet. Last week, I got a knock on the door from the former tenant, who asked if I had anything for him. When I told him that I had returned the letters, he was miffed and asked me to hold any future mail. Then he left me his number and told me to text him should more stuff arrive. But come on! Surely there’s a statute of limitations for this kind of thing. Should I refuse if he comes back? —Stamp of Disapproval, Mimico
While it’s nice to imagine a world where everyone goes out of their way to do random strangers a solid, this guy is trying to turn your place into his own personal post office box. Next thing you know, he’ll want you to deliver his mail to his new residence. You have my permission to delete his number and write “Moved” on any future letters. Or try the passive-aggressive yet helpful approach: text him some information about Canada Post’s mail forwarding service. For about $100 a year, he can save a bunch of time and ensure his important packages make it to him—and not to you.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
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