The Yard recap, episode 6: wherein we vomit, along with the entire cast

The Setup: Frankie has recruited a tall, nerdy girl genius named The Mole to design his stink bombs, which consist of a stink liquid she has concocted. It combines several stenches, including “vomit, fecal waste, burnt hair, rotting garbage [and] ammonium sulphide,” the latter of which, of course, releases ammonia when exposed to the air (side note: The Mole is played by a very bad young actress. We think she should pursue another career). Anyway, the basin leaks, and vile, toxic stink liquid gurgles up out of the sandbox, causing mass vomiting in the yard (almost like this). Smooth move, lady Einstein.

The Scheme: Nick puts on his big-boy pants and throws Frankie and The Mole into jail (the Buckminster Fuller–esque domed jungle gym), where they are guarded by Suzi. But J.J., of course, has a crush on The Mole, even though she caused his little brother to be violently ill, and she also touches bald mice. With Nick’s blessing, J.J. smuggles a spoon into jail for her. She then pulls an Andy DuFresne, digging her way out of the jail through the sandbox. Sigh. (Even Cougar Town has parodied this scene.)

The Upshot: Nick reveals that he only allowed The Mole to escape because he needed her help disposing of the toxic matter. Which he then blows up with dynamite. This makes no sense, because now the poisonous liquid is being turned into a gas and mixed with explosives (furthermore, where is this dynamite coming from?). Anyhow, the kids get covered in it just in time for their school pictures, but they don’t care. They’re all super-happy and carefree because, at the end of the day, they’re just kids. Get it? Because it’s picture day, Nick is also wearing a stupid straw panama hat that makes him look like a long-haired Lou Bega.

Most Valuable Player: Johnny, for not being in it.

Well, folks, that’s the end of The Yard. It started out innocent, even funny, but then took a turn for the worse. In the end, it was kind of like the TV equivalent of a shart.