Splice: the drinking game
The latest entry in the Canadian horror genre, Splice, creeps into theatres Friday. In his cautionary tale about two renegade scientists (played by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) obsessed with their latest creation—a human-animal hybrid named Dren—Cube director Vincenzo Natali manages to make winter, farms and Polley (Canada’s sweetheart!) come across as really, really creepy. And we haven’t even touched on the laboratory scenes. Dull your growing sense of dread with a lash or two (or 10) of your favourite booze. You’ll need it. Our Splice drinking game, after the jump.
Take a drink:
• Whenever Brody wears an ironic T-shirt. (Isn’t being ironically hot good enough?)
• Every time Polley throws out her patented stern/frustrated look.
• Every time Brody throws out his patented confused/puppy dog look.
• When you chuckle at the line “Wired doesn’t interview losers.”
• Every time you wonder if Natali has a jazz hands fetish. Fosse references? Chicken Nugget–esque blobs named Fred and Ginger? It’s like we’re back at dance camp.
• Every time you attempt a mental tally of how many 1 ½ calories of “high-fructose foodstuffs” Dren has consumed. (You can’t fool us, Natali. Those are clearly Tic Tacs.)
• While you wait, fruitlessly, for a Toronto reference. Take an extra drink when there’s a nerd reference instead. We get it. Science = geeks.
• Whenever you think “Wow, there’s a lot of really floppy hair in this movie.”
• Every time you think “OK, so she’s a bird. No, wait, she’s a bat. Ohgodohgod please don’t eat that cat.”
• Whenever Brody rolls up in a Pacer. (A Pacer?!)
• If you think Dren looks like Katherine Heigl.
• When characters that ask themselves “What’s the worst that could happen?” deserve what they get—even if what they get is potentially one of the most disturbing things ever committed to screen.
• Each moment you long for the halcyon days of Dolly the Sheep.
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