Redemption Inc., episode 8: woman on top

First up, the ex-cons work with consultants and brand managers to refine their business plans. Alia is unimpressed with their projections on her landscaping and snow removal business, saying, “I don’t think they understand how much the f!@# it snows in Prince George.” Canadian zing! Brian, meanwhile, needs to sell a guitar and give three lessons every day to make his music store a go—good lucky, buddy. By default, the consultants pick Sam and his T-shirt shop as the guy to beat.

But Alia has a fan in the next expert: a psychologist who says, “It’s hard to believe Alia is only 26 years old.” (Doctor, we were shocked, too.) To even things up, the acting and performance coach—a curly-haired, over-enunciating stereotype—says that she feels Brian will win. We bet the producers made her say it to keep the suspense alive.

What the consultants say doesn’t matter anyway—it’s O’Leary the ex-cons need to impress. Brian blanks during his presentation (let’s be serious, it was never going to be Brian), Alia drives in on a lawn mower, and Sam works both his pitch and the ridiculous blue suit-and-vest combo he’s wearing. O’Leary mulls it over, and after eight silly challenges, countless puns and one heartbreaking elimination (Jeff!), Alia wins the $100,000 in start-up money. Looks like she’ll be shovelling snow and mowing grass rather than selling them. Congrats!

• Number of times Alia called the brand consultants “donkeys,” then retracted it: 1

• Number of two-handed handshakes given by Sam: 4 (Ooh, he’s good.)

• Number of contestants who blanked during their presentation: 2

• Number of pieces of blue clothing worn by Sam at his pitch: 4

• Number of times we were shocked by how much Alia’s mom sounds like Alia: 4

• Number of times the clip of Brian confessing to spending $25,000 on crack was recycled over the season: 3

• Number of side bets we made on the finale: 3