Dear Urban Diplomat: Neighbourhood dogs love peeing on my front lawn. Is it rude to complain?

Dear Urban Diplomat,
My house is on a corner lot that’s very popular with dogs. Thankfully, most owners pick up number twos, but all that pee is burning my grass and destroying my front lawn. Should I complain to the city? What are my rights? I’m not trying to be a jerk, but my yard is beginning to look like a dog with mange.

—Pissed Off, Little Portugal

There are no bylaws concerning canine urination, due to the fleeting nature of the evidence and, usually, the absence of motivated victims, so you’re on your own. The easiest solution is to seed the affected area with perennial ryegrass or fescue, which are more resistant to dog pee. If that doesn’t work, move on to Plan B. Erect a small sign that says “Please Keep Dogs Off the Lawn.” Since many humans have trouble following simple written directives (see: “Stand Right, Walk Left”), you should ­simultaneously install a foot-high fence around the edge of your property. If you don’t want to spring for a high-end white-picket job, hammer in a few painted stakes and string a rope between them. It’ll be visually unobtrusive and will reduce the deluge to just a few stray sprinkles. If Plan B doesn’t work, grab a lawn chair and a good book, and sit vigil for a few days—or wait for a sale on artificial turf.

Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com