“I hadn’t realized how much they affect brain development and mental health”: This mom is on a mission to keep kids smartphone-free

The first time I posted a picture of one of my kids on social media, about a decade ago, a random bot commented on it. Nope! I thought. Time to turn my profile private. I needed to safeguard my child against digital threats, perceived or real. My husband and I agreed right then that we wouldn’t give our children smartphones until they were much older.

We have three daughters, and they all attend the same west-end public school. Recently, a couple of the moms who work in children’s mental health hosted a session about kids and tech. I’d covered these topics in my previous career as a journalist, so I thought I had a decent understanding of the territory. But I was appalled. I hadn’t realized just how much screen use can affect brain development and mental health.

Related: How smartphone addiction is ruining our lives

Last November, I started meeting with other parents from the school about delaying our kids’ first phones. A group of parents had done the same thing years prior, and their children, who are now in high school, are so normal. They have phones but don’t really care about them because they went through critical moments of their development without that tech. We knew we needed to get enough families on board that our kids wouldn’t be the odd ones out. We made a spreadsheet of names, then divided and conquered. An “I’ll talk to this mom, you talk to that dad” kind of arrangement. We broached the topic at pickup and drop-off, texted parents and posted on social media (ironic, I know). We encouraged families to sign a pledge created by an organization called Unplugged Canada that kick-starts conversations about delaying smartphones.

Related: A psychologist on how to counter smartphone addiction

Those conversations were at times awkward. One friend ghosted me when I texted to discuss the issue. Another said she agreed with our stance but didn’t want other parents to feel judged, so she didn’t sign. Still, lots of people were receptive. They acknowledged that it would have been terrible for us as preteens to have access to what kids can get through their phones today.

To date, 95 families at our school have signed the pledge. Recently, we helped families at another school get more than 120 signatures. We’ve had really high uptake among parents of kindergarteners—they want to get ahead of the problem. My oldest is in Grade 4, and many of her friends have smartphones. Some parents have asked me, “How do I walk this back? Because now my kid is a zombie, and I have to police it all the time.” It’s not too late to take that phone away or set healthy boundaries around its use. But I won’t lie: your kid might hate you.

If all your kids’ close friends are aligned, peer pressure can work the opposite way. It doesn’t have to be the person without a phone who gets left out. If you’re at a play date and there’s only one kid looking at their screen, it’s like, Get off your phone!