Dear Urban Diplomat: My wannabe-paparazzo friend is doing TIFF all wrong

Dear Urban Diplomat, My friend has a hare-brained scheme to play paparazzo at TIFF. He’s a sucker for get-rich-quick schemes and plans to stake out hotels and parties so he can get candid snaps and videos to sell to American gossip outlets. As a huge cinephile, I’m irritated beyond belief. This isn’t what the festival is supposed to be about. Beyond that, I’m worried he’s going to get in trouble. Any ideas for how to talk him out of it? —Flash Mob, Yonge-Eglinton

You’re unlikely to convince him. A diehard dilettante like your friend will always pursue the next shiny object. If he wants to spend one of Toronto’s most culturally important events staking it out with other wide-eyed, iPhone-­clutching shutterbugs, that’s his prerogative. All you can do is invite him to at least one flick. Maybe he’ll discover that AC, popcorn and cinematic expression are, in many ways, far more enriching than being manhandled by security guards in muggy weather for the prospect of a couple hundred bucks.

Related: Keanu Reeves, Angelina Jolie and Paul Mescal made appearances at TIFF this weekend

Dear Urban Diplomat, I think my neighbours are trying to steal my cat. This summer, they started feeding human food to my ragdoll, Rufus, and now he hangs out there all the time. When I confronted them about it, they said I must not be a good owner. They even said we should “let Rufus decide” where he wants to get his lunch. When I tried locking Rufus up, he stayed up all night pawing at the door. I love the little guy even though he’s a traitor. How can I deal with these cat burglars? —Paw Patrol, Birchcliffe-Cliffside

Your neighbours sound nasty, but your problem lies with Rufus. Your job now is to spoil him rotten—shower him with catnip, toys and treats—so he has absolutely no incentive to double-dip next door. If his infidelity continues, take it as a sign of his independence and be proud of his resourcefulness. If you want loyalty, next time get a dog, or at least consider raising an indoor cat.

Dear Urban Diplomat, When I retired in May, a friend invited me to join an activity group she hosts, and I love it. We do sunrise yoga and walking tours, and we even have a book club. Here’s the problem: my friend is acting like a gatekeeper. Whenever I try to hang out with anyone else from the group, she gets jealous. I spent decades putting my career ahead of my social life, and now that I’m retired, there’s this whole social circle I can’t fully access. Is she being unreasonable or am I being inconsiderate? —Friendly Fire, Banbury–Don Mills

Before you try leapfrogging over her again, have a frank chat to see where she’s coming from. She probably wants to feel valued for the effort she puts into the group, and it’s possible she’s friend-hoarding because she’s been squeezed out in the past. Explain that you’re looking to expand your horizons, and assure her you aren’t a buddy poacher. If and when you do make plans with a mutual friend, it wouldn’t hurt to invite her along.

Dear Urban Diplomat, My wife loves birthdays too much, and it’s taking a toll on our relationship. When we first started dating, I told her that I thought birthdays were frivolous and far too showy, but she didn’t get the message. She insists on going all out and then gets upset when I don’t do the same for her. She threw me a massive surprise party with a DJ for my 40th in July. Yes, it was a milestone. No, I still didn’t care. Now hers is coming up, and she’s dropping hints about what she wants. How can I tell her I don’t have the bandwidth to go whole hog? —Birth Right, High Park

Your wife is telling you her needs, and you’re ignoring them under the thin excuse that you’re “anti-­birthday,” which is a position no reasonable person holds. Telling her you don’t have the energy for her birthday is like saying you don’t care about her happiness. Avoid this at all costs. If you value your marriage, get that DJ’s number ASAP. Better yet, come up with your own idea, make it unique to her and think big. You owe her.