VIDEOS: six terrible moments from Conrad Black’s terrible interview with Rob Ford

1. When Black started the interview by calling the mayor “the most famous Canadian in the world.”

One would think that the world’s biggest fan of multisyllabic words would have preferred to use the more appropriate “infamous,” but apparently not.

2. When Ford brought up weight loss for the hundredth time.

The mayor seems to think that the key to fixing everything is losing some weight. But really, nobody cares about Ford’s weight. Nobody cared about it when they elected him, nobody cared about it during that botched “Cut the Waist” campaign, and nobody cares about it now.

3. When Ford blamed this whole mess on a pouty police chief

The mayor is always quick to point out that he’s the victim of a conspiracy. Now, police chief Bill Blair is apparently part of that conspiracy, along with pinkos, every Toronto newspaper, most of city council and everyone else who isn’t Rob or Doug Ford. “I definitely think this is political,” he said. “I think that they used Lisi [his longtime friend] as a prop to get to me.” So what’s Blair’s beef with the mayor? He’s ticked off about budget cuts, of course. “I want to save money, and I guess he disagrees with that,” Ford said. The crack cocaine had nothing to do with anything.

4. When we all had to imagine the possibility of an on-air urine test.

“If they want me to do a drug test, a urine test, I’ll do one right now,” the mayor said. While there are lots of unanswered questions surrounding this whole scandal, we don’t think a jar of pee will settle many of them. “Rob, there is absolutely no need to do a urine test right now,” Black responded.

5. When Ford implied that the Toronto Star’s Daniel Dale is a pedophile.

We’re not sure how this segment made it on air—it’s an incredibly serious allegation—but Ford accused the Toronto Star’s Daniel Dale of sneaking onto his property to snap photos of his children. “The worst one was Daniel Dale in my backyard taking pictures. I have little kids,” Ford said. “When a guy’s taking pictures of little kids, I don’t want to say that word, but you start thinking, ‘What’s this guy all about?’” For the record, Dale was near Ford’s property last year to investigate the mayor’s intention to buy parkland. Apparently, the Star’s lawyers are looking into the matter to determine if there’s a case to be made for defamation.

6. When Black pretended to call out the mayor on a dubious statistic.

The mayor is known for fudging his numbers, and he did it again last night, saying that the city’s unemployment rate has dropped from 11 per cent to seven per cent. Black blubbered his way through a correction, making sure to keep the mayor in a positive light the whole while: “As you know, there is some suggestion that [the unemployment rate] was 9.4, but it’s come down significantly from 9.4.” Thanks, your Lordship.

UPDATE: This post originally contained video of Conrad Black’s interview with Rob Ford, but on January 9, 2014 we received notice from YouTube that all the clips had been removed because of a copyright complaint from ZoomerMedia.