Canada’s Best Beauty Talent, episode 4: Audrey Hepburn’s “smooth look” and other mysteries

Canada’s Best Beauty Talent, episode 4: Audrey Hepburn’s “smooth look” and other mysteries

Canada’s Best Beauty Talent, Episode 4

It’s becoming increasingly obvious that Canada’s Best Beauty Talent has no clue what it means to be a reality TV show, because, though last night’s broadcast was the longest yet (a whopping 15 minutes), it possessed no tension, no hubris and no celebration of the fact that a program like this is not a great place to make friends. We’re sticking it out because we’d like to learn something about these talented Canadians (we’re calling it—hair contestant Matt and makeup contestant Cait are our favourites), and we’re hoping that in some distant corner of this fairly drama-less program, there lies a few kernels of beauty knowledge to make it all worthwhile.

Unfortunately, the latest episode was not for the uninitiated, despite guest judge Tracy Moore’s (host of Cityline) claim that Marcia and Caylee’s beautiful Elizabeth Taylor-inspired look is “not only editorial, but accessible.” Perhaps if someone would just explain to us how a fairly complicated editorial look is achieved (no one does), we could agree, but instead we hear that “Audrey Hepburn is known for her smooth look” and that a contestant “could have used a lot more fantasy.” (We’re guessing that “fantasy” in this case means mascara, or possibly nail polish.) What happened to Marcia and Matt, who explained their process fairly systematically in episode 3? Now, they, and everyone else, are talking in poetic language and jargon, and nothing is clear—save the fact that, through some mysterious steps, the models now look like updated versions of old Hollywood icons. Contestant Jenna claims that “ it’s tough when you’re in a position to be judged so much,” but the editing so far hasn’t suggested that any real judging takes place. Instead, we’re offered nothing more than soundbites: “I was worried that this was going to be a Brigitte Bardon’t, but it is a Brigitte Bardo,” says Coco Rocha. Oy. Even one of the contestants thinks the episodes could benefit from being a bit longer (see, we told you).

• Coco Rocha has not been able to shake her robotic hosting style, and the Internet has begun to notice

• We’re four episodes in and we’ve barely learned anything yet