Crazy cottage rentals for the .00001 per cent

A sprawling lakeside compound

Location: Lake Rosseau, Minett Price: $9,800 per night Beds: 18 A cottage butler may sound over-the-top, but over-the-top basically sums up everything about this lakeside fortress, so it’s only fitting that it should come with one. There’s over 18,000 square feet of living space between the main cottage and boathouse, plus every possible amenity imaginable. We’re talking tennis and basketball courts, a yoga studio, sauna, fitness centre, art studio, arcade room and a “Muskoka media room,” which was made with reclaimed timbers salvaged from a 19th-century shipwreck on Lake Huron. Other attractions include a full concert stage so you can ferry in live bands to play for you and your friends, an in-ground hot tub, a zip line (!) and a private beach big enough for volleyball tournaments. If you happen to have a cool $15 million lying around, it could be yours permanently, as it’s currently up for sale.

A modern retreat

Location: Georgian Bay, Carling Price: $1,050 per night Beds: 3 Cottage-goers need not worry about nosy neighbours at this 24-acre property just north of Parry Sound. The sleek space is a contemporary architecture lover’s dream: the owners had everything custom-built and there are floor-to-ceiling windows that maximize waterfront views. The minimalist kitchen has Miele appliances and there’s a craft table and sandy play area for kids (though, the floors won’t hide muddy footprints very well). It comes equipped with all the cottage staples, including a BBQ, a hammock and a dock. Bonus: there are private hiking trails that weave around the property.

A Muskoka mega-mansion

Location: Lake Joseph, Port Sandfield Price: $3,700 per night Beds: 9 This Lake Joe cottage is seriously grand but still packs in plenty of rustic Muskoka charm with its two-storey stone fireplace and wood-panelled ceilings. If you’re planning on hosting a lavish get-together, there’s no shortage of space to entertain, including a 12-person dining room table, a fire pit, a hot tub and a massive sun deck off of the boathouse that could accommodate the wildest of dance parties (and if the weather turns, there’s always the option to retreat to the basement rec room, which has a billiards table and wet bar). The most extravagant feature, though, is the gazebo-inspired Muskoka room. It’s lined with couches that look so comfy people will have to be hauled out of them after cocktail hour.

A contemporary glass castle 

Location: Lake Rosseau, Port Carling Price: $7,071 per night Beds: 8 This Muskoka cottage is made almost entirely from granite, marble, charred cedar and walnut, has LED lighting and heated floors throughout, and almost every bedroom has its own private ensuite and walk-out deck. Anyone looking to upgrade from the standard campfire can do so on the sheltered outdoor balcony, which comes with a wood-burning fireplace and a 007-worthy button you can push to lower screens when the bugs come out. If you need a reason to extend happy hour, there’s a full wine cellar and bar area in the basement.

A southern-inspired estate

Location: Georgian Bay, Port McNicoll Price: $1,224 per night Beds: 6 This place looks less like an Ontario cottage and more like Tara from Gone With the Wind. The Greek Revival–style main residence has a massive two-storey wraparound deck and there’s a guest house that opens up onto a stone terrace. For lawn game enthusiasts, there’s plenty of green space, and the place comes with powerful outdoor speakers. The owners say noise is never an issue, so feel free to blast tunes until the early hours of the morning.