THE BEST & WORST OF TIFF ’08: Our Scene & Herd reporters list their most desperate moments, most exciting celebrity encounters and most hostile starlet

Most unexpected confession from a celebrity: “I mean, I have sex…and my sex is very, very boring. Very sloppy. I mean, I’m a total bottom and don’t get up on top,” said Kevin Smith, director of Zack and Miri Make a Porno.

Most frustrating “look but don’t touch” moment: The cake buffet at the Holt Renfrew bash was for your eyes only. And once, Brad Pitt was 20 feet away, giving us a raised-eyebrow stare-down, but he remained totally off limits. Many more best and worsts, after the jump.

Feel most guilty about: Being kind of mean to Tyler Labine. But given that he’s actually pretty talented, he’ll probably go on to a “look at me now” acting career and get his revenge by blacklisting our name with everyone who’s anyone in the film industry. Damn, please don’t do that, Tyler. Call me?

Best swag: Lancôme Magnifique eau de toilette from the Rachel Getting Married party at Brant House (although we hear the MAC DSquared fashion show bag kicked ass).

Worst moment: Crashing some irrelevant non-TIFF party at the Park Hyatt, thinking it was an open bar, then being chased down by the waiter with a $40 bill for two cosmos. Rookie mistake.

I hate celebrities moment: Liam Neeson and Laura Linney doing nothing to hide their disdain for the red carpet at the after party for their own movie. Neeson sarcastically gave the guns to the cameramen and smirked as he walked away, ignoring the media, who had been waiting for almost three hours.

Most desperate attempt at fame: Miss Canada Universe showing up at the Paris Hilton party dressed in some Caribana float costume, dripping with feathers and wearing her sash and crown.

Most claustrophobic moment: CTV headquarters stairwell, marching to find Lindsay Lohan at the eTalk party; Ultra stage, once again grappling to see Lindsay Lohan.

Most exciting elevator ride: Going up at the InterContinental Hotel with Bill Maher, who was complaining about how he has no time to eat, never mind peruse gift lounges. How cool are we?

Star who was most generous with signing autographs: Blindness starJulianne Moore, outside the InterContinental Hotel.

Most awkward moment: Dancing and taking pictures with Gil Bellows on the dance floor on Saturday, only to be introduced to him on the red carpet on Sunday as a reporter and have him recognize you as a crazed fan. It was one of those “I’m gonna go stand over there moments,” except there was nowhere to go.

Warmest/fuzziest moment: Watching Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo dance arm in arm onstage together at the Ryerson premiere of The Brothers Bloom.

Best Toronto people moment: Hitting the Bloor St. Bistro alone, eating bavette frites at the bar and chatting with strangers about their opinions on Deepa Mehta’s Heaven on Earth.

Greatest accomplishment: Leaving the Drake after 4 a.m. last call, mid-week; shoving aside empty cans of energy drinks and swag macaroni and cheese boxes on the kitchen counter at home to find the half-full bottle of VitaminWater, hydrating, and sitting down to write about Ethan Hawke.

Rumoured to be the most hostile toward journalists at press conferences: Keira Knightley, the Duchess of Abrasiveness.

Moment when we felt like millionaires: Holt Renfrew, sipping an “irreverent” Grey Goose dirty martini, and chatting with a writer from Vanity Fair, whose name we mistook for being Left when it was really James. Ha ha ha! Another drink?

Most regrettable decision: Choosing to watch Paris Hilton pose with her new brand of prosecco for 30 minutes instead of hitting the Drake and sharing an intelligent pint with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Delusional celebrity moment: Walking around the InterContinental Hotel, hung over, with our enormous Strellson swag sunglasses and soy latte.

Celebrity we wish we had got drunk with: Mickey Rourke, hands down.

Celebrity we want to add to our Facebook: Anne Hathaway.

Most successful party getup: Black silk Hugo Boss leggings from Lileo, with ripped-up cleavage-exposing white tank, garage sale gold chains, three-inch black vinyl pumps from Heel Boy, black vest from Aritzia and Joey Jeremiah hat from Kensington Market. We’ve never looked more like a star, and everyone from France wanted to try on the hat.

Biggest festival faux pas: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Had to stop ourselves from: Reporting a “Spotted!” every time a local celebrity walked by, stood in line behind us at the grocery store, served us drinks, etc. Really wanted to report the “bold sighting” of the drummer from Constantines standing outside a variety store on Queen, but didn’t want Eye Weekly to make fun of us again. What? Stuart Berman’s kind of a celeb—he’s in a band!

Best celebrity tip for looking good: “Wash your face,” from Sigourney Weaver.

Celebrity most taking advantage of TIFF to gauge stars for mega-donations: Tie between Matt Damon and Richard Branson.

—Melita Kuburas and Jen McNeely