UPDATED: Burger King’s grandiose claims in the ad for its new “healthy” fries

Fried to perfection to satisfry our lives. The heroes, the lovers, the everyman…just satisfry everybody.

–The voice-over guy on Burger King’s commercial for Satisfries, a new, lower-calorie fry that appears to be marketed toward frolicking firemen and brusque cowboys, as well as the usual couples and families. The diet fries launched in the U.S. yesterday following a multi-city social media campaign in which hundreds of man-sized foam fries mysteriously appeared in high-traffic urban areas, prompting a rash of Instagram shots (a similar product will reportedly be released in Canada under a different name). In this case, healthy is relative: a medium-sized Satisfries contains 30 per cent fewer calories than McDonalds fries and 19 per cent fewer than Burger King’s regular fries, but up to 20 per cent more than a double hamburger, six chicken nuggets, four mozzarella sticks or a mayo-topped Whopper Jr.

UPDATE: Burger King Canada has announced that the Canuck version of the low-cal fries (inexplicably renamed Gratifries), will be launched September 30. Rather than attempt a direct translation, the French Canadian product has been given its own snazzy name: Magnifrites. [Toronto Star]