Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I explain to my children that we’re not poor?
Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I explain to my children that we’re not poor?
Dear Urban Diplomat,
Every year, my kids’ private school launches a campaign for donations, and parents are expected to give generously. My husband and I are not rich; the $60,000 tuition is 40 per cent of our income. This year, we didn’t participate, which meant our names didn’t appear in the school’s annual report. One day, our eldest daughter came home asking if we were poor, having been told so by her friend, who was told so by her mother! I don’t want my children to be stigmatized. What’s the best course of damage control?
—Charity Case, DAVISVILLE
So you want to give your kids the best education money can buy. I get that. But it means you’ve entered a Bizarro universe where an income of $150,000 can be construed as poor. All you can do this year is seize the teachable moment: explain to your children that money is tight, but you are far from poor by any rational definition of the term. You might suggest they convey the same to their friends, whose parents, from the sounds of it, could also benefit from a teachable moment. Then, when next year’s donation drive rolls around, it won’t bankrupt you to throw in a couple hundred bucks per kid—small potatoes when you’re already paying 60 grand. Sometimes caving to the pressure of petty gossip can serve a good cause.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
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Dear Urban Diplomat,
Every year, my kids’ private school launches a campaign for donations, and parents are expected to give generously. My husband and I are not rich; the $60,000 tuition is 40 per cent of our income. This year, we didn’t participate, which meant our names didn’t appear in the school’s annual report. One day, our eldest daughter came home asking if we were poor, having been told so by her friend, who was told so by her mother! I don’t want my children to be stigmatized. What’s the best course of damage control?
—Charity Case, DAVISVILLE
So you want to give your kids the best education money can buy. I get that. But it means you’ve entered a Bizarro universe where an income of $150,000 can be construed as poor. All you can do this year is seize the teachable moment: explain to your children that money is tight, but you are far from poor by any rational definition of the term. You might suggest they convey the same to their friends, whose parents, from the sounds of it, could also benefit from a teachable moment. Then, when next year’s donation drive rolls around, it won’t bankrupt you to throw in a couple hundred bucks per kid—small potatoes when you’re already paying 60 grand. Sometimes caving to the pressure of petty gossip can serve a good cause.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com){kind=link}
actually, you are rich, dummy
What school in Toronto costs 60k for one child? Upper Canada College is only 30k per year and it’s supposed to be the priciest of the bunch.
While education is important, is spending $60K or 40% of your income a year in tuition a wise move?
Why is an Asian kid shown on the picture? Is this to imply that Tiger moms are pushing their kids on a shoestring budget?
I get the feel the Asian kid pic was chosen to be inclusive, pure and simple. No subtext here.
Better for them to know their are limits to the money available to the family. It never helps
anyone to know their are no limits or boundaries, especially where finances are involved.
Boarding schools are this pricey. Her kid probably goes to Appleby or Lakefield.
If you don’t want your kids to come home feeling poor at their upperclass private school (boarding) give somewhere in the area of $500-1000. If you can afford 56k, then you can afford to donate. These donations fund scholarships for exceptional students who couldn’t otherwise afford it.
A lot of families read those donation reports like a book, and donors names are usually posted publicly on the walls. The parents weren’t the first to know you’re not on the list, just the only ones who said something about it and told their kid. It’s incredibly common for parents of scholarship students to donate, so you should too.