Dear Urban Diplomat: How do I tell my friends that they can’t come to my cottage every weekend?

Dear Urban Diplomat,
My wife and I recently bought a cottage. It’s a charming two-bedroom with a bunkie near Orillia. Unfortunately, my university buddies, with whom I’m still close, have decided it’s their cottage, too. One even circulated a Google doc so everyone could lay claim to the bunkie this summer. How do I break the news to my friends without offending them?
—Former Frat Boy, Moore Park

Get thyself to the Google doc but quick, and in the most garish neon available, highlight the dates that you and your wife deem open to visitors. Your buddies should intuit that every other date is therefore off limits, but given how obtuse they sound, you might need to spell it out by slashing red X’s through the rest of the calendar. In the meantime, consider finding some new friends. As a rule, adults do not commandeer friends’ cottages. You’ve moved on from your keg-draining, couch-surfing, freeloading days; they clearly haven’t.

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