Dear Urban Diplomat: I find the skateboarder memorial outside my building upsetting. What can I do?
Dear Urban Diplomat,
A skateboarder was killed by a cab outside my building, and six months later, the sidewalk memorial is still there. I realize that this is not the politically correct thing to say, and I’m not a heartless troll, but I don’t want to be reminded of the awful event every day. It’s public space, not a graveyard. Short of dismantling it, what are my options?
—Death to Death Memorials, King and Jarvis
Technically, you can call 311 and ask that the street cleaners take it down, but technically, that makes you a heartless troll. I went to check out the memorial, and it’s barely noticeable—just a sign and a small skateboard leaning against a sapling. You’re right that it’s public space—that simply means that every taxpayer owns a little piece of it, and I suspect most Torontonians would happily grant the family and friends extra claim to it while they grieve. If it brings you down, here’s a tip: avert your eyes.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
To Death to Death Memorials, King and Jarvis: If you don’t like where YOU are, then change IT (tip: M O V E) you are NOT a tree.
Well said Urban Diplomat. Well said.
Totally wrong answer,UD, The mourners have had sufficient time to grieve publicly, through the memorial. By now, the reality of their loss is becoming part of their lives. The memorial encourages them to ‘look back at their heart breaking ,sad , loss of their loved one’. Removing the memorial would encourage them to look to the future. Life goes on. They will carry the love for their lost family /friend in their hearts. The dead one will not be forgotten ( which is the greatest fear ) The loved one will live on as long as their is someone to speak his name.
Call 311, you will be doing them a kindness.
Leaving public displays everywhere someone died is forcing everyone to be part of this new all inclusive mourning. I long for the days when the death of someone was a personal private affair and not open for discussion or indiscriminate viewing.
But it’s not really up to a cadre of total strangers to decide when someone should be done grieving, is it? Everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. I’d never go up to someone I didn’t even know and say “okay, you grieving loved one, time’s up! Just get over it already.” I don’t know what they’re going through, and I have no right to tell them how to grieve, or for how long.
There are things in this city that it’s worth kicking up a fuss over, but I really don’t think this is one of them.