Rob Ford and the Toronto Sun are breaking up—here, a pair of personal ads to help them move on

Rob Ford and the Toronto Sun are breaking up—here, a pair of personal ads to help them move on

Mayor Rob Ford and the Toronto Sun’s beautiful friendship—a years-long affair based on shared political beliefs, mutual staff members and a common disdain for the Toronto Star—is cracking. In court this week, Ford’s lawyer blamed the paper for the mayor’s current legal woes, arguing that an August 2010 article at the centre of the libel suit misquoted Ford and was more than a “distortion.” The Sun fired back with a column by Michele Mandel that defends the story, accuses the mayor of “bad form” and asks, “Is this how you treat your friends—by throwing them under the bus when the going gets tough?” Given a breakup sounds imminent, we’ve drawn up dating profiles for Ford and the Sun to help them find a new best buddy.

Mayor Seeking Sympathetic Newspaper

Name: Rob Ford
Age: 43
Location: Etobicoke; city hall (rarely); various football fields around Toronto (often)
About me: Married mayor of a major city seeks sympathetic, conservative-leaning news outlet for next six years (Vote Ford 2014!). Love of football a must. May occasionally be cold, but will provide plenty of material of (questionable) news value. Has temper and some walls up. When falls, falls hard.

Newspaper Seeking Pet Politician

Name: Toronto Sun
Age: 41
Location: Wherever bikini-clad girls can be found; city hall; the ’burbs
About me: Right-wing newspaper seeks fun-loving, conservative-thinking politico to be star of news and political coverage. Has lots of patience for toxic relationships. Will act as mouthpiece. Loves BINGO, Photoshop and long walks on the beach. Has healthy sexual appetite. Looking for someone willing to put up with multiple personalities. Are you the one?

(Images: Rob Ford, Christopher Drost; broken heart, Fibonacci)