Kiss and Tell: “My date ordered me a salad and told me to get liposuction”

Welcome to Kiss and Tell, a series about the steamy, surprising and frequently absurd world of Toronto dating. Send your most memorable stories from the pursuit of love and lust in the city to submissions@torontolife.com.

—As told to Andrea Yu

I’d been on Bumble for about a year before Stefan and I matched. Before that, I was married for 14 years—my ex and I had been together for 21 years in total. So I still felt pretty new to dating, and I was figuring out what I liked and wanted out of it. Related: “I started dating my best friend’s ex. It ruined our relationship"

Stefan’s profile stood out to me right away. He was good-looking, and I loved his Grecian complexion. I was really attracted to him. So I swiped right, and we immediately matched and started texting. It was surface-level stuff at first, like what we did for work and whether we had kids. I told him I had two children, and he told me he had a son. He also mentioned that he liked curvy women, and I’m plus-size, so that was a bonus for me. Within a few hours, we had exchanged numbers to start texting. From there, we switched to phone calls. We talked about where we grew up, our families and our plans for the summer.

A few calls in, red flags started popping up. For example, one time there was some rain in the forecast, and I mentioned that it would be good for the flowers. “Typical woman,” he replied, “just worried about flowers and grass instead of the crops we need for food.” It was kind of an aggressive response, but I didn’t want to write him off after just one comment.

Soon afterward, he revealed that he was a fan of Donald Trump. He rambled on about how mainstream media was bullshit and only Fox News had the truth. He was not supportive of gay rights. I remember thinking, If I ever introduce him to my friends, they will hate him.

Despite all of this, we did have some great conversations. We could talk on the phone for ages, and he was charismatic and flirty. He’d talk often about how excited he was to meet me in person. I think I was just eager, bordering on desperate, to meet somebody, so I was willing to overlook a lot.

After about a week of frequent, intense phone calls, Stefan asked me out to dinner. I lived in Innisfil and he lived in Scarborough, but I was already going to be driving to Newmarket that weekend to drop my kids off at their dad’s place. We decided to meet at a restaurant called Arthur’s Landing, which used to be at the Upper Canada Mall.

I arrived early and got a seat on the patio. I saw Stefan walking up, and to my surprise, he had his son with him. I’m a mom, so on some level, I understood. I also work with children, and I love kids in general. But on a first date? That’s not cool. He came up and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. He explained that his parents had been lined up to babysit but then had decided to visit his uncle, who was in a nursing home. He hadn’t wanted to bail on our date, so he figured this would be better than cancelling. His son was very awkward and shy. He looked like he didn’t want to be there.

Related: “I got married to a guy I’d known for only a few months. Then he got cold feet”

As we were talking, Stefan started playing footsie with me under the table, which I thought was cute. He ordered a scotch on the rocks, and I got a glass of wine. When our waitress came back with our drinks, he looked at her and said, “Wow, you have really gorgeous eyes.” She did, but he didn’t have to say that right in front of me. It felt like he was trying to make me jealous. I didn’t know what else to do, so I just went along with it and complimented her eyes as well.

Our conversation continued, and it was good for the most part. We were laughing and getting along. He had a nice physique and muscular arms, which I found attractive.

We finished our first round of drinks, and at that point I was getting hungry. The waitress came back to see how we were doing, and Stefan said, “I think we’re going to order a couple of salads.” I didn’t know what to say. I hated that he was ordering for me, but I didn’t want to interject and order anything too expensive, since I assumed he would pick up the bill. So, again, I just went along with it. His son said he wasn’t hungry.

Stefan watched the waitress walk away. “Mmm, that chick, she definitely works out,” he said. “I love a chick who works out.” I felt like I was hit by a sack of bricks. Here I was, obviously not a chick who works out, sitting right in front of him. We’d seen photos of each other, so it’s not like my appearance had come as a surprise. I’ve always been honest on dating apps about my weight, and he’d specifically said he liked women who were bigger.

When the food came, Stefan and I ate while his son played on his iPad. Stefan kept telling me how good I looked and how happy he was that we’d matched. It was really confusing given that he’d just been complimenting another woman right in front of me—and his son. I kept thinking, What is going on here? Then, after he finished his salad, he took his fork and started eating off my plate without even asking. It was way too forward.

Related: “I saw my friend’s boyfriend on Tinder. We decided to ambush him”

When the cheque came, Stefan looked at me and said, “I think we should split the bill.” I thought he should pay since he’d asked me out and eaten more than half the food. But, by that point, it didn’t feel worth arguing over, so I agreed.

We headed out to our cars, which were parked a few spots away from each other. Stefan let his son into his car and then walked me over to mine. He then aggressively grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. His poor son was right there, with a view of the whole thing. His little face looked traumatized.

After that, I didn’t hear from Stefan for a week. Then he texted to say that he and his son had gotten sick right after our date. We started chatting again, and I told him I was getting ready to go to the beach. “Are you going to wear a bikini?” he asked. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable showing my stomach. “Oh,” he said. “Can’t you just get liposuction?” I was appalled. Finally, I hit my breaking point. “Sure,” I said, “if you want to give me the thousands of dollars I’d need to get it done.” He didn’t acknowledge that comment and just told me to have fun at the beach. When he asked me out again the next day, I brushed him off. He responded saying that our schedules didn’t seem to align and it wasn’t working out. I guess he wanted to beat me to the punch. I never saw him again—good riddance.