Could the Yeater-Bieber love child be the result of a phantom sexual act? No.

The triad non-relationship between Justin Bieber, Mariah Yeater and Robbie Powell (Yeater’s ex) has reached impressive lows this week: Yeater still believes the Biebz is the father (despite negative paternity results), while Powell is planning to tell his side of the story on some sort of media tour (why we’re supposed to care about his point of view, we’re not sure). Text messages have leaked that show Yeater identifying Powell as her child’s father, evidence Bieber’s attorney Howard Weitzman says “proves Mariah Yeater fabricated the story.” Beliebers will be happy to note that the Biebz is playing it cool, claiming to never have met the woman, and he also notes that he knows he’s “going to be a target,” but he’s “never going to be a victim.” What happened to “never say never”? And please, can someone just take responsibility for the baby, because it’s clear that Yeater is far too focused on getting her 15 minutes.

(Images: Justin Bieber, Aby Baker/GettyImages/Getty Images Entertainment; baby, Officer)