Justin Bieber would really, really like to be your boyfriend

Judging by the lyrics to Justin Bieber’s freshly launched single “Boyfriend,” he would like to be your boyfriend, and he’ll never let you go. Also, if he “was your boy,” he’d be calling you his girlfriend (well, obviously). Toss in a presumably insincere plea for women to “give him a chance,” and somehow this is a skyrocketing hit (somehow). Dear crazy fans, the Biebz is pandering to you as eager, aggressive Biebaholics who would likely cry at his touch—he even says in this song that he has money to blow, and that is your doing (we certainly aren’t preventing him from earning money by writing this either).