Editor’s Letter (November 2013): Will stay-at-home dads feel as marginalized as stay-at-home moms once did?
Forty years ago, this magazine published provocative, trend-defining pieces about women entering the workforce. The stories depicted women in business suits—a novelty costume—looking tough, like the characters from the 1988 movie Working Girl. I have a blow-up of a 1970 Toronto Life cover in my office for kitsch value, showing a woman arm-wrestling a man with the headline “The feminists are getting stronger.” At the time, the presence of high-ranking women at the office was disruptive and destabilizing.
Overwhelmingly, the battle for equality fought by the women of my mother’s generation has been won (though women continue to be under-represented in the upper echelons
of power). In certain sectors, women have even surpassed men.
Today, more working-age women in this country have post-secondary educations than men. There are more women than men in Canadian medical and law schools. And, because education has a direct impact on income, the earning power of women in Canada has never been higher.
All of this is having a seismic impact on domestic life. A 2012 poll found that Canadian women are the primary breadwinners in more than a quarter of all hetero marriages. If men were once defined largely by their ability to provide, what does it mean to be a man now? And how can women be expected to perform all the stereotypical female tasks like cooking and cleaning when they’re busy supporting the family?
In this, our annual special issue on money in the city, Leah McLaren reports the intimate details of marriages in which women earn more than men, with a focus on families where the husband has quit working altogether to look after the kids and the home (“Moms on Top,” page 46). For now, stay-at-home dads are the minority, but they’re on the rise, and their numbers will continue to grow as women conquer the professional class. Interestingly, there are more stay-at-home dads in two-parent families in Canada than in the U.S. or the U.K. Just as we were pioneers with same-sex marriage, we seem to be on the vanguard of domestic role reversal.
McLaren’s own response to the trend is ambivalent: Will stay-at-home dads feel as lonely and marginalized as dependent stay-at-home moms did in the 1950s? Will their wives respect them if they don’t earn their keep?
These questions are being asked—and tested—all around the city. This month, at the Munk Debates, four smart female writers congregate at Roy Thomson Hall to hash out how the rise of women has changed social expectations of men. “Be it resolved men are obsolete” is the grabby topic they’ll debate, inspired by The End of Men, the book by Hanna Rosin, who will be participating in the showdown. Should be an entertaining evening.
If McLaren is to be believed, this is hardly the end of men, but nevertheless a moment of great transformation. Perhaps today’s young professionals, as they sort out who earns what and who does what at home, will put an end, once and for all, to prescribed cookie-cutter gender roles for both men and women. Skeptical? So were readers of this magazine back in the 1970s about the incursion of women into the office.
Unfortunately, science hasn’t found a way for men to carry and deliver the babies. Also, men still can’t produce nutrient rich breast milk yet. Until that day, “cookie-cutter gender rolls” will continue to haunt us.
Motherhood or the stereo typical housewife has evolved a lot since the 50s and it’s great that we now have a lot freedom to actually make our choices and opt out of being a stay at home mom. It only proves that motherhood stretch beyond taking care of the house and the kids, it’s essentially taking care of oneself and whatever is deemed important. Having said that, I think stay at home moms and stay at home dads will still need years before we can see equality in how they’re viewed by the society. Really, it’s weird how sometimes even a mother already gave it her all – juggle work and motherhood – still she comes short of expectation…then a father goes and ‘sacrifice’ the job and stays home, suddenly he’s the hero? Really? Really now?
Couldn’t agree more.
The fact is, man and woman are NOT equal (physiologically speaking).
This simple fact that will never change will always play its part in our social norms, like it or not.
I for one, would LOVE to be a stay-at-home dad. And I’ve got no problem shouting that from a rooftop either.
Is not about the dad being a hero for staying at home, it’s about some men nit caring what society says about who should be the home care giver for the children and stepping up to do what is needed. Of course it looks awesome to some simply because our society is used to see mainly women being the main, if not the only care giver for children at home. It would be like me going to my mechanic and findout that the mechanic is woman. Big woop! So what? As long as she or he does a good job I could care less about their gender. Wouldn’t you say it’s a good thing that some of us are stepping up and experience, (somewhat), what most stay at home mothers have done for centuries, and help a little bit in the develoment of society to see the role and not the gender?
I personally think that most women who were stay at home moms did feel marginalized and probably felt frustrated and alone, and having a mother that went through that pains me. But now we live in a society that, I would like to think, has evolved into a more sensitive, smart and wants equality for everyone… Right? Then why would such question arise? It should be more like, let’s make sure stay at home dads don’t go through such things? Is it ok to make one suffer just to make a point? Just saying…