Black Watch: Today’s Top Stories

Poor Alan Funk. Bad enough that he be mocked in court for accepting money (admittedly a lot) from the defence to provide expert testimony impeaching the government’s accusations of fraud. But then, adding insult to injury, while standing in the hall afterwards accepting the plaudits of his employers—“your testimony was fascinating in ways I never thought it would be”—he was set upon by a gaggle of mischievous journos, chief among them the scribbling set’s pied piper, the Star’s Rick Westhead. Making full use of his golly gee charm, Westhead informed Funk of the peanut gallery’s plays on his name. “Funkadelic.” “Dr. Funk.” “Grandmaster Funk.” Always the good sport, the decidedly unfunky accountant, who looks like Karl Rove and sounds like Gerald Ford, chimed in, “How about the Funkmeister?” The assembled wretches chortled in unison, all the while scribbling away the last measure of Funk’s dignity onto their collective notepad. Beyond that, today’s coverage splits between Funk and the end of the evidentiary phase.