Spinal Tapped

Checking the Google News page today, I learned that Alanis Morrissette had been “tapped” for the Canadian Music Hall of Fame, meaning she is to be inducted. Similarly, Jake Gyllenhall has been “tapped” for the starring role in an upcoming Joe Namath biopic, and Jason Parker has been “tapped” as police chief in the town of Dalton, GA. In my mind’s eye, all three have had a spigot plunged into their thigh, the better to drain and capture their essential humours.

Mind you, some of today’s headlines demonstrate the verb’s proper use, in reference to a collective or a body, such as “Riverside County residents tapped for national health survey.” Still, the individual—and improper—usage must be the hoariest misuse of the English language to afflict headline writers in the last quarter century. And it bugs me. Just had to get that off my chest. Thank you. That is all.